Notes On Rain
By most counts, most people would peg me as a warm, sunshiney kind of person, but there are times when the rain brings about emotions that the brightest rays of UV in all their glory cannot. Tonight, its raining the emo-rain. In spades. Bucket-loads. The proverbial cats and dogs, if you will.
I don’t know if its the soft but persistent patter of the raindrops; the odd flashes of light that illuminate for instant; the increasing growl of built-up vibrations that finally burst into deafening roars; or the sight of water, like tears, pouring from the sky, but rain tends to make me feel alone and alive, all at once.
I love sticking my hand out of the window when there’s a huge storm, feeling the rain patter down from all the way up there to all the way down here. Where has this raindrop been? Has it melted off the nose of a fox in the Alps? Has it rushed along together with countless other droplets in the mighty Amazon River? It makes me more connected to the world than ever, with this water that could have come from anywhere, yet this sense of loneliness trickles in when my hand shivers because its cold out there.
Staring at a downpour through the window also gives me the urge to run outside and dance in it, but sadly the urge to stay dry and flu-less generally overpowers that, although one day, I think, I will.
Markers
It’s been too long… again! Every day I lament the pervasiveness and laziness that is social media, and yet I can’t bring myself to type more than 140 char (give or take) at a time. So after months of self-remonstration and some inspiration from articles recently read, here is my newest attempt at writing a blog post.
I usually have a main point when I write, but today, no. Today is all about spontaneity and whatnot. Here are some interesting facts to begin with: this is my first post since 1) I got my new iMac, 2) Jireh Choo existed in the world, and 3) I’ve started working for Gardenasia. Just thought I’d lay down some mental markers to remember this post by. So yes, some things have changed since I last put my mind to updating this blog.
To be honest, I don’t care if anyone reads, for now I just care that I write. In a digital world where thoughts are shrunk, whittled down and summarized into bite-sized chunks of wit and knowledge (nothing wrong with that), it’s a real challenge to expound, to imagine, to elaborate on my thoughts. I guess writing about the difficulties of writing is as good as any a place to start.
But that’s all I’ve got for now — hopefully the next time won’t be 3 months away!
Give or Take
“It is more blessed to give than to receive”, said Jesus (according to Paul in Acts 20:35). Growing up in Sunday School, a Christian primary school and whatnot, this has always been one of those phrases that everyone knows and occasionally quotes out-of-context when we jokingly want to convince someone to share something with us.
I’ve only realised today that I’ve never actually given it much thought.
Only recently, I struggled with a rather silly issue that epitomizes the meaning of this verse. For the past few years since we’ve moved on from JC, my JC friends have a tradition of everyone pooling money together to get a gift for someone when it’s their birthday. Normally, one or two people are in charge of getting the gift and shortly the rest will receive a message telling us how much we owe them for the gift. That’s all fine, but a few months after my birthday last year (which was not too long ago), I realised that they didn’t get me a gift for my birthday last year.
For a period of time, I admit, I felt quite aggrieved and the little prone-to-tantrums kid inside me was screaming “NO FAIR!!!!” incessantly. After all, I’ve been paying all year for different people’s gifts, but when it comes to the end of the year to my birthday… none, zilch, nada. Getting over the initial feelings of injustice though, I was soberly reminded that when you give gifts, you don’t give them because you expect one in return. Was I paying for my friends’ gifts all year just so I would receive one too? Should I stop giving just because I wasn’t receiving?
You can see where this is going. Today after reading this verse, I finally realised what it meant, and that even a simple, silly thing like this can reflect my identity and attitude as a Christian. I don’t claim to be a selfless, generous, big-hearted giver (far from it, in fact), but it has opened my eyes to see a whole new aspect of what ‘cheerful giving’ really means!
Much Afraid
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9
Tomorrow, I think, will be the day I have to fully experience and rely on the truth in this verse. I can’t be any weaker than tomorrow; under general anesthesia, unconscious, operated on. I can’t need grace more than tomorrow; not knowing how it will go, how painful it’ll be after, when I will be able to play soccer again. Lord, may your grace and peace rest upon me and help me to remember your faithfulness.
