11x
Sometimes, I realise you can never treasure friends enough. Who knew when I sat down at my desk on the first day of school, the noisy girl with the unpronounceable name—”Khim… what?”—would be my good friend for the next 11 years and counting. I think there were times we weren’t friends, and times when I felt like I didn’t belong, but 11 years later, its hard to remember all those silly quarrels when I think of all the fun times we’ve had. I’m not exactly the best friend someone could have, I don’t “keep in touch” well and I don’t have great advice to give most of the time, but I love these guys ‘cos they know all that and are still my friends.
Most of all, I know I want to see them in heaven. Here we go, 2011.
Good Enough
It’s been a week where I’ve been reminded repeatedly that I’m not good enough.
Within the span of a few days I’ve found out that two people I used to go out with are going out with other people; and I guess no matter how long ago it was, you can’t quite escape that strange feeling of having lost something. I’m not feeling unhappy or anything, just retrospective. Everyone finds someone better—is that okay?
Today, I found out that I only won the runner-up prize to a drawing contest I recently took part in—meaning I won’t get that trip to Japan I was hoping for, and also that my drawing is not very fantastic. That’s still fine; I never thought I could draw that well, but with every contest I take part in and not win, I have to ask myself if I’m really cut out to be a designer. I’m really, honestly, not that good—is that alright?
Still, it’s been a week where I’ve been reminded repeatedly that though I’m not good enough, I don’t have to be.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
Based on the evidence of the past week—and in fact, my life in general—I’m glad that my salvation is not based on my abilities or what I can do, because it will never be good enough. So while it is not easy to accept my inadequacies, it makes it all the more reassuring to know that Jesus Christ was and is good enough to cover them. I cannot be sure if I will end up single or married; if I will do well as a designer; if I will ever be as good a friend as I want to be; but it is enough to know that the one thing that is certain is also the one thing that matters the most.
Two-three
I feel super-loved today.
I guess that’s generally the idea on your birthday, but this birthday just felt extra nice! I think I’ve grown past the stage where my happiness is proportionate to the number of presents received; I haven’t received many this year but I feel so so blessed.
I’m blessed to have friends who are willing to find a great shabu-shabu place to have dinner with me; for friends who pretend to leave after supper but turn up at my house to surprise me; for friends who pooled money to get me a nice squash racquet; even for those who bothered to type a post on Facebook.
Even though I spent most of the day at home doing work, the fact that Manchester United won this weekend (plus Arsenal and Chelsea losing) was definitely a bonus. And of course there is that small little thing about Brian Joo wishing me happy birthday on Twitter.
Well that’s all over and done with, I’m now 23 and wondering what’s up ahead for me. Pray for me as I seek God’s guidance, and thank Him for giving me such wonderful friendships!
The Write Way
This is my attempt to bring back writing into my life.
Just under 2 years ago, Facebook didn’t have a profile of Cheryl Lee Enyi. Now the floodgates have well and truly opened, and I am thoroughly (and slightly ashamedly) Facebookified. I didn’t quite realise it till a couple of weeks ago, but the beginning of Facebook for me was also slowly but surely the end of blogging. When was my last post besides all the FYP blog stuff? Can’t even remember.
I was explaining to Cherie that the dawn of Facebook and Twitter is killing all semblance of writing instincts in me. In the past, when an issue used to bother me or I had something really exciting to share, I would start to form a “blog post” in my head about how I could write it such that it would be insightful and hopefully slightly interesting. I’d form sentence structures, coin up phrases and puns, and in some cases even think of arguments for and against the issue I wanted to write about. Okay it wasn’t as serious as I make out, but you get the picture. A certain amount of thought and nuance went into conjuring up a decent blog post.
For example, if I happen to witness a bad car accident on the way home, in the past I might have contemplated and written a post about the frailties of life and the importance of good driving; now I just snap a photo and Tweet: “Bad car accident on the way home. Omg scary!”. Or something like that.
I think in a nutshell, the problem is that its so easy to say things in a nutshell now, that no one really bothers to say things otherwise. Sometimes its good to think things through, analyse, and write more than 150 char. per sentence.
