It’s been a week where I’ve been reminded repeatedly that I’m not good enough.
Within the span of a few days I’ve found out that two people I used to go out with are going out with other people; and I guess no matter how long ago it was, you can’t quite escape that strange feeling of having lost something. I’m not feeling unhappy or anything, just retrospective. Everyone finds someone better—is that okay?
Today, I found out that I only won the runner-up prize to a drawing contest I recently took part in—meaning I won’t get that trip to Japan I was hoping for, and also that my drawing is not very fantastic. That’s still fine; I never thought I could draw that well, but with every contest I take part in and not win, I have to ask myself if I’m really cut out to be a designer. I’m really, honestly, not that good—is that alright?
Still, it’s been a week where I’ve been reminded repeatedly that though I’m not good enough, I don’t have to be.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
Based on the evidence of the past week—and in fact, my life in general—I’m glad that my salvation is not based on my abilities or what I can do, because it will never be good enough. So while it is not easy to accept my inadequacies, it makes it all the more reassuring to know that Jesus Christ was and is good enough to cover them. I cannot be sure if I will end up single or married; if I will do well as a designer; if I will ever be as good a friend as I want to be; but it is enough to know that the one thing that is certain is also the one thing that matters the most.