“Why can’t Christians date non-Christians?”

It’s a question that is regularly asked, but not always accurately answered. It confuses, perplexes, and even angers both Christians and non-Christians alike. It sounds elitist, holier-than-thou, and downright condescending.

But trust me, it’s not meant to be.

I’m 28 this year, I’m single, and one of the most common things I hear from my friends goes something along the lines of: “Why you so picky? Really must be Christian meh? If your standard not so high I would intro you to my friend(s) already lah.” And while I wholly believe in their well-meant intentions, I think its about time someone explained the reason behind this “pickiness”, lest it be classified as another irrational, snobbish Christian standard to live by.

A long time ago, I went out with someone who, besides not being a Christian, I guess was more or less perfect for me. Perfect in the sense that he was almost exactly like me, we liked the same things, had the same tastes, he knew what kind of stuff I would like, we supported the same football team.. like I said, perfect. All except for the fact that he wasn’t a Christian. It didn’t matter to me at first, but I think all along at the back of my mind, I knew it would be an issue someday. And sure enough, after awhile, I decided I couldn’t go on with it anymore, because it was “wrong”. And so I broke up with the perfect guy all because he wasn’t a Christian. Everyone (including myself, sometimes) thought I was nuts and couldn’t for the life of them understand it. I’m not sure he did either, and for that I am the most sorry. But decisions like this do baffle, and so they should and must be clearly explained.

While I do want non-Christians to understand this, I am much more concerned that Christians do. Because from the relationships and attitudes I am seeing around me (and sometimes even in myself), we sometimes forget the why and get confused trying to do the what.

I think the biggest example of this, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it here, is Christians who extend “dating a Christian” to “dating someone whom I will bring to church”, “dating someone who is open to Christianity”, or “dating someone who calls himself a Christian but hasn’t really been to church in a few years”. I could go on, but you see my point. To do something like that is to miss the point of wanting to date a Christian in the first place. It’s taking God’s wisdom and stretching it so we find a loophole we can slip through.

So yes, back to the reasons why Christians shouldn’t date non-Christians. There are probably more, but here are four simple but truthful ones.

1. You believe in completely, absolutely different things

Any committed Christian (and, really, is it worth being any other kind?) will know that Christianity is not just a nice little side project that surfaces on Sundays and on Christmas – it involves and demands a total change in worldview, nature, lifestyle, decisions and priorities. It’s not just an “agree to disagree” kind of difference – like whether Manchester United or Liverpool is better (is there really an argument anyway?), its played out in how you spend your time, money, what you teach your future children, how you deal with hardship… I could go on. Some of these you may or may not have to deal with before marriage, but they will certainly apply after.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? – 2 Corinthians 6:14

Eventually, marrying a non-Christian means a lifetime of split loyalties, and a severe endangerment of your relationship with God. One way or another, one relationship (or even both) will have to be compromised. Here’s an article which describes very clearly the hardships and dangers of marrying a non-Christian.

2. It is never “just dating”

I should also clarify at this point that by “dating” I do not mean a casual, just-for-fun romance with no likely future – I mean a relationship entered into with the intention to find out if you are suitable for marriage. What?! You say. I ain’t ready for that! Well then, perhaps you are not ready for dating. Casual dating is usually self-centered and self-serving: it’s fun, it makes me happy, who cares what happens in the future? If we know for sure we will never marry said person, then being in a relationship with them is unfair to them as well. As Christians, the most important question we should ask is “Does this make me more like Jesus?” – and casual dating, especially with non-Christians, almost certainly does not.

3. Something else just became more important than God

I can almost hear the argument being formed right now, that, basically, there is nowhere in the Bible that says its a sin to date a non-Christian. In fact, the Bible doesn’t even talk about dating: so how can we say what God’s view is for sure?

Even if we gloss over passages like 2 Corinthians 6:14 above which tell us not to “be unequally yoked”, common sense and godly wisdom tell us that a close relationship (and if we are dating, it’s probably one of the closest relationships we have) with a non-Christian cannot be wise, let alone helpful. If the goal is to be more like Christ, then we are intentionally and knowingly making it harder.

If then you have been raised with Christ… Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God… Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. – Colossians 3:1-5

When we are willing to jeopardise our relationship with God for anything else – could be a career, money, pleasure – then that becomes our idol, no matter how “good” it is in itself. Even a Christian relationship can become an idol if said relationship takes precedence over God. So, even if not explicitly stated as a sin, the fact that we are willing to endanger our faith to cling on to this other person shows our heart’s true desires.

4. The joy of having a Christian partner

And finally, we have to consider not just the possible pitfalls of dating (and marrying) a non-Christian, but the considerable benefits of dating a mature, growing Christian. “Dating a fellow Christian” is not just fulfilling a ticked box on the checklist of Christian dating, it’s having the pleasure of being able to lead or be led by someone you can trust will have God’s (and your) best interests at heart, someone who will care for and even nurture your spiritual growth, who will encourage you through Scripture during hard times, who will love you because Christ first loved him/her, who will be someone your kids can model and follow spiritually, and whose true home, like yours, is heaven.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:30

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her… so that he might present the church to himself in splendor… that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. – Ephesians 5:25-28

It’s not always natural or easy to look for and desire these things in a relationship when other things like looks, personality and so on have such a magnetic pull – but I’m convinced that these are the most important things to have for the long term. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that good chemistry and attraction are not important – they are just not as important as we think.


So its not merely a matter of going to different places on a Sunday morning – it’s a matter of ending up in different places for eternity. As a Christian, are you convinced that your salvation and relationship with God is more important than your relationship with anyone else? Are you certain that heaven and hell exist? Do you believe that obedience to God’s word sometimes involves things we don’t want to do, or don’t even understand? Because there is no sitting on the fence – if your answer is yes, then you cannot continue knowingly disobeying God. And, rather more worryingly, if your answer is no, then you might have to ask if you are really a Christian at all.

I just want to say that this issue is just one of the many sins that we fall prey to, and that you are not more sinful or a worse Christian just because you are going through this. The Christian life is a constant struggle with sin – and the most alarming part is not when we sin, but when we stop struggling with it altogether, and even try to tell ourselves that it’s okay.

It wasn’t easy for me to write and post this – it actually took me more than a year since drafting it to actually get it out there; because I felt I couldn’t do it until I really could come to terms with it. And even as I write this, I still have half a mind to leave it lounging in the ‘Drafts’ section. It is that hard, and it is that close to my heart.

If you are struggling with or facing this issue, I pray you will find the courage to obey God, and the faith to trust that this obedience will not leave you short-changed. Trust me, its something I battle with every single day.


155 Comments Add yours

  1. Heather says:

    You’re single and yet you know exactly what makes a good marriage.
    Good for you. However, it seems you think a perfect relationship includes liking the same football team, so I’m not sure you understand what is really needed in a good marriage.
    I’ve only ever been in relationships with Christian guys until now. The first put me down until I felt so small and useless I was glad when he ended it. I married the second, we seemed to be on the same page at the start but he never prayed or read the Bible with me, and ended our marriage after 13 years and broke up my family. He has since re-married (within a year) and neither of them go to church any more and often swear in front of my children. I dated another man shortly afterwards, who said he had broken up with his wife and was in the process of getting a divorce. After about 6 months, it was clear I was his ‘bit on the side’, and I broke up with him. If i hadn’t, I’m sure he would have been still stringing me along.
    I’m now dating a kind, loving, generous, honest man whose values and behaviour are more in line with Biblical teaching than the three Christian guys I’ve been with. And I’m not meant to marry him because of this narrow interpretation of the Bible? Despite all the Christian men my age being either already married or total losers? Do the maths – you can pray for a Christian man all you like but there aren’t enough to go around, and a fair few of those are fakers anyway.
    Yeah, because of COURSE that makes total sense. God made us for companionship, rejecting that and living miserable (but self-righteous) for the rest of my life isn’t the right choice for me.

    1. Kenneth Lee says:

      Dear Heather,

      After reading your story, I felt sad. Sad that this is the state of men. I wish things were better, but I’m also happy that you found someone that is kind, loving, generous and honest.

      I wish you happiness and love, whether the man is Christian or not.

      Be Happy,

  2. Wu says:

    Dear Nicknamehere,

    I assume you are not a believer from all your responses that seem contrary to the belief in Jesus Christ/God/Bible.

    I suppose you are an expert in ascertaining whose assumptions are baseless and whose aren’t. My assumptions have all been baseless, I hope, by you! Then I suppose, some other people’s(nonbelievers) assumptions are going to gain more resonance with you like Syed Sharbini’s response here below in which he agreed with 1 huge assumption, which I suppose you should find credible. Here it is:

    “Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth.
    — Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia, 1781-82”

    Nickname here, how would you proof that this assumption by thomas jefferson is credible? Failure to respond with a proof would be akin to being guilty of having unfounded accusations( of my baseless assumptions) against me!

    Take this seriously for I want to help you…..

  3. Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one-half the world fools and the other half hypocrites. To support roguery and error all over the earth.
    — Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia, 1781-82

    I think it’s cute that you think Christianity should be a defining aspect as to whether or not you’d be in a happy relationship with anyone. Mostly because it’s absolute horse feces, but also because it’s so rib-ticklingly funny that a supposedly omniscient being cares what you do with your privates.

    I also find the contradictory nature of the opening statement hilarious. ‘I am not elitist, nor is Christianity, but hey, let’s make the argument for the elitist exclusionist nature of Christian dating anyway.’

    To quote a friend of mine, if you’re really concerned about point 2 (Does this make me more like Jesus?), then you need to copy exactly chat Christ did, which is :

    a) give all your money and possessions to the poor
    b) serve others above themselves
    c) counsel instead of judge other people
    d) turn the other cheek, and even die on the cross without striking back

    I take it you’ve done all of the above, to truly be ‘more like Jesus’?

    Let us of course not even consider the fact that the idea a deity even exists has no scientific proof whatsoever, and that the whole premise of an all-seeing, all-powerful god is flawed to begin with.

    If Satan exists to defy god, then god is not all-powerful therefore invalidating the claim that he should be worshipped. If god is indeed all-powerul, then his existence makes god an accomplice in all of the world’s suffering and evil. Kids being raped and killed in war – god’s doing eh?

    Oh but god loves you, don’t forget that. If you do forget, you’ll burn in hell. But he still loves you.

    1. Chat – what*

      Just to be clear. :)

    2. Wu says:

      Hi Darling,

      You made many points, but in my style, I only like to tackle 2 or 3 points maximum, to help readers who are following you and I.

      You mentioned the idea that a deity, which I, as Christian call the sovereign and almighty God of the universe, exists doesn’t have any scientific backing. I fully accept that. But darling, did you also consider that the idea of a deity NOT existing ALSO doesn’t have any scientific backing? Consequently, science is basically sitting on the fence completely impartial as to whether or not there is a God?! I am no infallible, so tell me if I would be wrong on this.

      Next, could Satan exists to defy God, so that God still retains his all-powerful trait? If you say a weapon is powerful, it is only because threats existed to defy the power of the weapon, and the weapon manages to overcome the threat and be called ‘powerful’ weapon?! What is the purpose of a powerful weapon that doesn’t get the chance to be tested and exercised? Would it be even appropriate to call it powerful? If maybe you say that God isn’t all powerful now because it seems like in the world you are living in right now, there is so much rapes, crimes, war cimes, killings, hatred, fighting, and these threats haven’t been neutralized by the all-powerful Christian God, then is it possible that this all powerful Christian God is waiting for the right time to take action to neutralize all these threats and evils and settle the score once in for all, and that you haven’t seen this time come to pass yet because it obviously is going to occur sometime in the future you and I don’t know about, and therefore you have been simply tempted to jump to the conclusion that God is defeated by Satan and can’t do anything about it? In any case before anybody used a powerful weapon to eliminate a threat, a threat had existed and scared the shit out of everybody, giving everybody THE ILLUSION that the threat is ALL-POWERFUL?! Could this, my darling, be probably what you so experience?

      Next, is it possible for God to be responsible for the creation of Satan, who indeed brings bad events to bear upon the surface of this Earth, BUT be completely 100% disagreeable(not an accomplice) about Satan’s actions, and simply now waiting for that future one moment in time to come, to neutralize Satan once in for all, JUST NOT NOW!!! While allowing Satan to continue to bring bad to bear upon the surface of this Earth before the neutralization of Satan in the future might seem very cruel of God, could this be because of the greatest love in the universe, rather than the greatest cruelty in the universe?! For wanting to wait, and wait, and wait for more and more and more unbelievers to whole-heartedly believe in Jesus and the gospel of salvation, until as many as possible are converted, and then he may return to neutralize all suffering, pain, hardship, hatred and Satan himself, once in for all?!

      Is that possible with you in the depths of your conscious mind? Are these alternatives truly viable, regardless of what you believe or don’t believe? If they are, it is a great start, if they aren’t, I can’t go anywhere else with you.

      1. nicknamehere says:

        Argument from ignorance (from Latin: argumentum ad ignorantiam), also known as appeal to ignorance (in which ignorance represents “a lack of contrary evidence”), is a fallacy in informal logic. It asserts that a proposition is true because it has not yet been proven false (or vice versa). This represents a type of false dichotomy in that it excludes a third option, which is that: there may have been an insufficient investigation, and therefore there is insufficient information to prove the proposition be either true or false. Nor does it allow the admission that the choices may in fact not be two (true or false), but may be as many as four,

        1. true
        2. false
        3. unknown between true or false
        4. being unknowable (among the first three).

        In debates, appeals to ignorance are sometimes used in an attempt to shift the burden of proof.

        You basically decided to shift the entire burden of proof onto someone else instead of addressing the question. Also, your following responses are just baseless assumptions.

      2. Wu says:

        Dear Darling,

        I have addressed on many occasions so many questions from many people from top to bottom of this comments section, that i have grown a little weary. I addressed them head on, as boldly and possibly as I could, and on a few occasions like perhaps right now, I decided to shift the burden of proof to the non-believer, and you go *seemingly* up in arms thinking I might be running away from honest questions.

        But might you also be appealing to my ignorance by invoking this by-law from debate practice? You also have no other way to proceed with me, just as I have no other way(weary) of proceeding with the questions of some of our friends here as well as with you! We go to appeal to ignorance, that’s it!

        But you see nicknamehere, appealing to ignorance wasn’t the issue I’m getting at, neither are its pros and cons; the issue I am getting at is this: WITHOUT FAITH IN GOD, we would be forever appealing to each others ignorances, forever debating, forever shifting the burden of proof, because secular logic(human sin or from human sin) is KING. As long as we keep shifting the burden of proof from you to me and me to you and you to him or whatever, we are worshipping to the HUMAN CONDITION/HUMAN INTELLIGENCE/HUMAN SIN!!! We can never find an agreement on 1 true and final answer at least with regards to the impregnability of bible accounts, because our exchanges are not regulated by a recognition that GOD IS KING, and that JESUS CHRIST is LOVE! And so you would forever rationalize using the works and philosophies of mankind such as secular scholars and philosophers and you will always succeed, by them, in finding ONE MORE EXCUSE NOT TO BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST/BIBLE/GOD. There is no other way for me to get you to believe what I say, then to simply TRUST ME COMPLETELY WHEN I SAY THESE THINGS.

        What is the answer to the end of the cycle of always trying to find one more excuse/reason not to believe, or what is the answer to ending the shifting of the burden of proof and treating the courtyard of heaven like the the debates halls in highschool classrooms? FAITH MY DEAR! SUBMISSION MY DEAR!

  4. WindraStorm says:

    I actually heard a marriage counsellor / preacher make a statement… if you are marrying someone from a different faith from you, then you are not taking your faith seriously enough.

  5. WindraStorm says:

    I have not read all the comments in all honesty but I can see a lot of people struggling with this. I have done it all, dated non Christians, dated people who I thought would convert etc etc. But I don’t want that for my life. I want a husband who understands that he is to love me like Jesus loves the Church, a man who will pray with me and lead me closer to God, someone who can be intimate with me whilst God is always in the centre. Someone who can stand side by side with me in ministry. No man or husband will ever be perfect, all are subject to temptation and sin. However with Hope, God can restore such things. How do you prayer together when your marriage is in trouble if one if you don’t even believe? How can a husband be a Godly example to his children is he doesn’t believe? I do not just want to marry a christian. That is NOT good enough for me. I seek a husband who loves Jesus more than I do so that we can be strengthened in our faith together, share Jesus together which would be so beautiful and amazing, help each other up when one falls, and for him, whom the bible tells me to submit to, for him to LEAD me to God. You can not submit to a husband who is not telling you things that not biblical.

    1. WindraStorm says:

      Sorry should have edited this before posting, a lot of typos and errors in there…. sorry!!

    2. nicknamehere says:

      Why would you want to indoctrinate your kids with an archaic, deluded, abrahamic religion? Anyone with some form of intelligence would surely be questioning the bible if they’ve actually read it. Btw, brb, will be worshiping Apollo. One of the many many gods every religion claim to be real.

      1. Wu says:

        One question my darling,

        As usual we have to get down to the smallest detail. You said you questioned the Bible, and was able to do so because you read it. Here’s the 1st question:

        What is your definition of reading the bible? By what parameters/conditions do you mean ‘read’?

        2nd question: Assuming you have the right definition of ‘read’ in your mind, can you honestly say you read the bible? Or might you just be ‘browsing’ the bible like you are doing with a newspaper.

        I might then be able to come to a conclusion of the motive or source of your questioning.

  6. Wu says:


    I want you to understand, nicknamehere, that the error you so claim is responsible for different interpretations, IS NOT SO DIFFIERING AND WIDE RANGING SUCH AS TO RENDER THE WORD OF GOD FULL CONTRADICTIONS AND HALF-TRUTHS AS TO BE FALLING SHORT OF BEING A PERFECT AUTHORITY ON MORAL/ETHICS!!!!! CATEGORICAL NO!

    Yes, there are differences in interpretation, but there is a way to know if your difference or his difference in interpretation is out of line with the absolute philosophy of God! And that way is to read the bible from book 1 to the last multiple times: haven’t you, dear nicknamehere, been paying attention to what I write??????!!!!! I gave you that as a solution to any lack of faith about the perfect clarity and authority of the bible! As much as you find it hard to accept, I have no other way than to tell you to trust me when I say that!

    The differences in interpretation that exist right now, must unite with the ASSUMPTION BY FAITH, DEAR NICKNAMEHERE, I REPEAT BY FAITH, THAT THERE IS NO INCONSISTENCY OR CONTRADICTIONS IN THE BIBLES WITH REGARDS TO the overarching philosophy of the WHOLE BIBLE!!! Do you get it? Ill stop here and await your reply, if you have any. And first tell me your allegiance too, otherwise, dun bother to reply me.

  7. Wu says:

    Hi nicknamehere,

    I understand what you are trying to do and say here, and I want to help you increase your knowledge for the better(for your good).

    You were absolutely right about the existence of this passage, and as usual, it can be explained away in such a way that is consistent with the WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE BIBLE, from book 1 in genesis, to book 66 in revelation. My question to you would be this, and you answer honestly: How many times over have you read all 66 books of the bible?
    If you haven’t read through multiple times, you are going to do what you are doing right now: pick and choose texts and passages to try to disparage the abolutism and 100% clarity of the bible!!!!!!! And this is so widely and wrongly done these days, even so called ‘Christians’ do it, and they do it inasmuch as they are unknowlegeable and therefore weak/vulnerable ones!!!!!!

    Let me break down the logic in the the passage for you. You completely misunderstood/misinterpreted the whole point of the passage, and you likely didn’t consult the interpretations of senior and qualified servants of God like a really good pastor or its equivalent! The whole point of the text about lot and the daughters was this: they disobeyed God’s commandments to be patient, trusting, faithful, and obedient with regards to the provision of a male heir of a future tribe! They wanted their own way forward due to their fears and insecurities about the consequences of not having a male heir. They had either waited too long and can’t wait anymore, or, just simply didn’t want to trust/believe in God for now! Lot was a good old righteous man, and didn’t commit any sin of disobedience on his part, and only his daughters brought injustice in terms of their disobedience/unfaithfulness to God!!!!

    The point of the passage, dear nicknamehere, IS NOT the permission to COMMIT INCEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you understand? I’m going to explain that away now:

    In the ancient times in the old testament, intramarriages were the rule of the day, close family members married other CLOSE family members: such as a brother marrying a sister!!!!!!!!!! This was the rule, and it worked genetically fine: children produced were never going to be ever deficient in any mental,physical capacity. If this wasn’t the rule, how on earth did Adam and Eve, the first 2 human beings, produced so many generations of human beings after themselves??!!! It had to be that close family members must marry other close family members, because there were no other human beings on earth to mate with except those within your own family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    So this is the distinction you have to make, dear nicknamehere that 1)the point of the passage wasn’t about incest 2)there wasn’t even any concept of incest at all in early old testament because incest SIMPLY DIDN’T EXIST! Spreading any other opinions on this 2 matters is to compromise the moral absolutism and clarity of the bible from its position of 100% perfection!

    A little bit more about marriages between close family members in the early old testament times:

    The gene pool of human beings in the early days of the old testament were very diverse, and therefore very ‘strong’, so to speak. Illnesses, diseases, and other types of genetic/medical conditions were virtually unheard of then, because human beings then probably had such a huge diversity of genes to tap upon so as to keep them strong and healthy to a long life! Marrying close family members was a non-harmful practice because 1)the earth needed to be populated and there is only 1 way to populated and grow, which is to intramarry 2)the diversity of gene pools from the family members remained diverse enough so as to create strong and healthy human beings all through the time up to when such a practice cease to continue, perhaps nearer the end of the old testament and of course in the new testament. Human beings were created as intelligent sentient beings, and they can sense if a potential spouse is around the corner! The practice stopped nearer the end of the old testament, simply because of this: close family members became more and more repulsive both physically, sexually and idealogically at the idea of marrying their own close members, and God intended for that to happen, as the earth’s population grew and there became more distant human beings of a different culture, color, smell,qualities all around. So that is why the marriage progressed from that between close family members to that between DISTANT FAMILY MEMBERS LIKE COUSINS, NEPHEWS, NIECES, IN-LAWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, in some societies today, you still have cousins marrying cousins, though not often!!!!!!!!!! You almost never hear of distant family members marrying distant family members today, let alone close ones marrying close ones! And the reason is a completely human one: close and distant family members appear so much more less attractive, sexually, culturally, emotionally, mentally, spiritually as compared to during the old testament times! Scientifically, the human gene pool gets narrower and narrower(and that is bad because that makes the human species weaker and more vulnerable to external attacks of all types of microorganisms) as the arrow of time went from the old testament to the early new testament and finally the present day. Human beings are intelligent sentient ones, and have the ability in their DNA to know how to select potential mates(through their eyes(to judge), nose(to smell), ears(to hear)), SO AS TO POOL A GREATER DIVERSITY OF GENES T HAN THE ONE THEY CURRENTLY HAVE, and this is beneficial for them! But it doesn’t mean you can marry any-o-how any nonchristian person of a different race, color, culture today. You still have to satisfy, if you are a true Christian the commandments of God in the bible as 1 complete whole(and not based only on selected texts/passages!!)

    There is and never was any incest ever, and the word incest was coined by sinful human beings without distinction and regard to the perfect authority and principles of God in His bible! And another added distinction to make is this: God never wanted brothers to marry brothers, or husbands to marry brothers, it was always a male and female, whether between close or distant family members, or in our society today, between complete and total strangers!!!!!! That means only 1 thing: no homosexuality or animal-man marriages as well!


    1. nicknamehere says:

      Wait, where did this even come from? Was it written in the bible? Or was it random interpretations from “Senior” members of your church? Sorry, interpretations not backed by proper citation from historical documents are not accepted. Evidences should be taken word for word instead of being explained via “interpretations” which are subject to human error. Also, are you going to just ignore the fact that sins have no chronological implications? If incest is allowed back then and disallowed now, does that mean that murder and adultery can be accepted in the future due to societal changes? It seems to me that you’re implying that the word of God isn’t absolute and can be reinterpreted as we see fit. And hey, is that it? Are you going to disregard all the other verses I’ve quoted?

      1. Wu says:

        Hi nicknamehere,

        Tell me first and foremost your allegiance, are you christian or not, and denomination as well. So what I know what to target when I response to your allegations that the bible is open to interpretation that is perhaps the wide-ranging one you expect!!!

        I mentioned in my post that, there was no such thing as incest in the old testament, prior to God commanding against it. Read full article here! http://www.gotquestions.org/incest-in-the-Bible.html

        Understand nicknamehere, I don’t want you to attack what I say, if it truly appears you are doing so, it’s not what I WRITE OR SAY, it’s what GOD SAYS in the BIBILE!!!!!!!

        That is why, i need to know your allegiance so I can see how to tackle(help) you! Reply first with your allegiance, otherwise, do not contend with me.

        God bless you

  8. suwandyt says:

    Cheryl, again I thank you very much for your honesty and your courage to share your experience, and your commitment.

    I, too, have been too concerned about this subject that I have decided to write my own take on this issue: http://stjin.me/1LsoNRf

    It isn’t a means to rebutt nor to argue with you. I hope to give you encouragement through what I have written.


    1. Wu says:


      You forgot to take into account marriages in the old testament as well. You have only been interpreting the new testament, but the bible must be read as 1 complete whole so that you have a bird’s eye view of Christian philosophy. In the old testament, there are many instances when God commanded the Israelites not to take a spouse from a pagan neighbor, because the consequences were as serious as death. And then again in the new testament this is seen in the unequally yoked verse in Corinthians, though only in 1 small sentence. The ideology remains the same, because God’s moral standards didn’t chance from old testament to the new one. If God hated unequally yoked marriages between his people, the Jews and non-Jews, he has to equally hate unequally yoked marriages between christian and nonchristian! Again, you need a bird’s eye view, you might be an expert in the new testament, but you need to be an expert in the old testament as well, because the bible must be read altogether at once.

      This is completely up to you to decide, but it stands very 100% clear that 1) if you are a Christian not married yet, and dating, you must absolutely 100% choose only to enter into marriage with a christian spouse, and as ‘good’ a christian spouse as possible; 2) if you are already married and both you and your spouse aren’t Christians, and only one of you came to know God and became Christian within the marriage, and the other remains nonchristian also within the marriage, then you can’t choose to divorce because the marriage covenant is above the unequally yoked one!

      The bible is extremely clear on everything it wants to say. The bible isn’t clear on whether dinosaurs existed because the bible didn’t want to talk about that, but on issues it wants to talk about, even if it is one or two verses here and there, it is extremely clear because of the bird’s eye view after reading the full bible!

      You must also understand that indeed loving your neighbour as yourself is true and correct, no issue, but, there is a standard to the kinda love you can give to your neigbour, it must be a Godly, pure, and righteous standard. The love that God advocates is a very narrow standard, almost too narrow, like a tight rope, otherwise if love is big and of a wide ranging standard, you can walk up to a prostitute on the street in Geylang tonight, and tell her “God commands me to love my neighbour as myself, so let us start dating(without fornication) and get to know each other so that we become soulmates after a while and hopefully you become a Christian by then and get married to me!” Even without fornication with this prostitute, how can a man, in the last days we are in, do such a thing unless he misinterpreted the bible! He did not read the bible from Genesis all the way to revelation, and only probably read the new testament! Because the biggest advice throughout the old and new testament is this: FLEE FROM SIN, FLEE FROM OBJECTS OF SIN, FLEE FROM EVEN THE APPEARANCE OF SIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So if a woman isn’t truly or really a prostitute, BUT DRESSES LIKE ONE, YOU ALSO BETTER FLEE FROM IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you understand? This is not my word but the bible’s!!! Flee from even the *APPEARANCE* OF SIN! We live in the last days, we are surrounded by sin, we cannot not know how a prostitute dresses, or how any kinda sinful processes operate, and so, we know how a prostitute dresses, and if our daughters, mothers, sisters who obviously aren’t prostitutes but unknowingly owing to modern fashion and makeup trends seem to dress like how you know a prostitute beautifies or adorns herself, and even if it is a little too strict and aggressive/imposing on your part: you have to jolly well impose it on your daughters, mothers, sisters, and other female friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      This is the beauty of the TRUTH, nothing is too strict nor too relaxed in standards if you acquaint yourself with the TRUTH in the bible and drink it up into your heart and soul like oxygen of the air!!!! It is only strict insofar as YOU HAVE BEEN CORRUPTED IN THOUGHTS/MORALS/ETHICS by the standards of an extremely so terribly sinful society in the last days, and in other areas where you fine the standards of God too relaxed, you have also been equally corrupted in thoughts/morals/ethics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      To tell you the truth, at the highest expression and application of Christianity by true Christian men and women(which probably doesn’t exist at all today), there is no strict or relax standard for them, no complaints at least from them all, there is only one thing: It is what God says, i just execute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      You must strive for 100%, dear friend, although I understand you will 100% definitely fail to be 100% perfect. That is fine, but God just wants to see your darn heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He wants you to be striving for perfection in knowledge and application.

      At the end of the day:
      1) It is 100% so darn clear that Christians should not enter into marriages with nonchristians, otherwise, it is no different from walking up to a prostitute and date her with the view of marrying. In the old testament, God makes frequent references about the Jews prostituting themselves(not just sexually) with all sorts of IDOLS! But in our modern society, we are more familiar with the prostituting of the sexual sort! In the old testament, if Cheryl goes to marry a nonchristian, it would have been a sin labelled as ‘prostitution’, so that was why I mentioned that it is no different ‘from walking up to a prostitute in our society today and dating her in view of marriage’. Even if you managed to convert this prostitute(nonchristian), God DOESN’T WANT YOU TO DO THAT, IT ISN’T GODLY THING TO DO, BECAUSE HE HAD GIVEN INSTRUCTION ABOUT FLEEING FROM SIN!

      2) It is 100% so darn clear(and you make it sound like it isn’t clear) AND IMPOSING AS WELL, that if there exist a marriage previously containing 2 unbeliever spouses, and one unfortunately or fortunately comes to know God and becomes Christian, the marriage must proceed as usual till death do them apart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So that God says that there is a high probability/hope that the beliefs of the Christian will influence, by God’s work and power, the beliefs of the nonchristian, and the conversion COULD happen(with no guarantee though, and this is also very so darn clear like a perfect mirror)

      If anybody Christian or nonChristian human being finds the bible imposing, or find me(actually not me, but God) imposing, it is because of the same exact reason for why you either find God’s/bible’s standards too strict and/or too relaxed: YOU HAVE BEEN HELPLESSLY CORRUPTED BY THE SINFUL/WORLDLY/SECULAR/LOGICAL/PHILOSOPHICAL VIEWS OF AN INFINITELY SINFUL MODERN SOCIETY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Including myself! This helplessness is a 100% default or preselected mode that every single human being on the planet has in their DNA, because of sin: which is why God send his son Jesus to die on the cross so that his blood may atone 100% for all our sins. This is not an imposition or moral absolutism: it only is because nonchristians and EVEN CHRISTIANS alike are so helplessly corrupted by a sinful and depraved world.


    2. Wu says:

      Also Suwandy:

      I needed to repeat and reiterate my point here again:

      Love your neighour as yourself is true, the greatest commandment is love, BUT IT ISN’T THE ONLY COMMANDMENT YOU HAVE TO FULFIL WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE AND START LOVING STRANGERS ON THE STREET AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE TO LOVE THEM! If you fulfil the greatest commandment which is love, but accidentally or purposely disobey the other commandments, like fleeing from sin, you will have fulfilled the greatest commandment for nothing: your love will collapse, because your love has a missing chink in the armor, due to some other sins.

      But a distinction must be made Suwandy, I’m also NOT ASKING YOU TO REPEL OR OSTRACISE OR LOOK DOWN UPON nonbelievers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The bible never said that too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      But here is the question: is it possible to love a nonchristian the way God wants us to do so that fulfills all these criteria BELOW ALL AT ONCE AT THE SAME TIME?

      1)Do not get married to a nonchristian
      2)Do not look down upon a nonchristian, mentally, physically, verbally, socially, emotionally, spiritually, economically, politically, financially, sexually………………………….etc
      3)And still be able to present God’s love to this nonchristian for conversion purposes in the distant future.

      Go figure out! IT CAN BE DONE: it is just that, you have to tread very carefully a very precarious and narrow path, because you need to balance so many criterias above, and YET still win the person over to Christ *without marriage to cloud/corrupt* his views about knowing God and salvation through repentance of sins and acknowledgement of the blood of Christ!!!!!!!!!!! In other words, Suwandy, and everybody reading here, GOD’S LOVE IS AN EXTREMELY NARROW AND WELL-MANICURED PATH, OF A VERY VERY VERY SO DARN TIGHT STANDARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If the standards of discipline and ethics(morals) in our education system were wide open and not tight, and teachers can teach any-o-how in school, and students can skip lessons and sleep all day in class, and money for books are used corruptly for perhaps person material desires of teachers, what the heck would happen to the quality of students produced in Singapore? It would plummet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If the disciplinary and ethical(moral) standards of education is very tight, very refined, very narrow, you can be so sure Singapore will continue to be the best education destination for locals and foreigners alike for many decades more to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Same thing with God’s love and the type of love we are supposed to show our neighbours. So love your neighours as yourself, dun discriminate, which means you jolly well find your own narrow and tight path THAT SATISFIES AND FULFILLS ALL THE CRITERIAs/COMMANDMENTS/PHILOSOPHIES AS FAR AS POSSIBLE, OR AT LEAST YOU WANT TO TRY TO STRIVE FOR 100%, which means you need to read the bible from the first book of genesis to the last book in revelations MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because that is the only way you can strive for 100% in knowledge and application, you are bound to be blessed, an assurance by God, that if you seek his word(ie read his word like oxygen of the air, and read it again and again and again, and find the time to do so) you will be blessed, you will just naturally and automatically know what is right in the kingdom of God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will absolutely not make statements such as Suwandy, saying that ‘it is bad to impose the word of God on others’, or saying that ‘there is nowhere in the bible(!) that says absolutely that a marriage between Christian and nonchristian is forbidden because hated by God!!!!!!! There is no imposition, there is no strictness, IT IS WHAT GOD SAYS BECAUSE YOU HAVE READ THE FULL BIBLE MULTIPLE TIMES OVER AND BECOME SO DARN CLEAR ABOUT ETHICS,MORALS AND PRINCIPLES. You just execute!

      Simple, but yet extremely daunting(i can understand, so dun worry). In fact infinitely daunting, no question.


      1. nicknamehere says:

        Whosoever … hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookback, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken … He shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries. (Leviticus 21:17-23 KJV)

        OBEY and EXECUTE.

        30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

        33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

        34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

        36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab[a]; he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi[b]; he is the father of the Ammonites[c] of today. (Genesis 19:30-38)

        And while you’re at it, commit incest.

  9. peien89 says:

    Hi Cheryl,

    I totally agree that christians and non-christians shouldn’t even consider being together due to the differences. I am a non-christian and i am writing this based on my personal experience dating a Christian.

    I started Bible study, preparing myself getting in to Christianity, but things went down eventually. It’s not about being a Christian or not, it’s about your mindset as a Christian. Probably i am not fated to be one? Other than accepting, i questioned myself “Why must i go through this just to be with him?”, “Why couldn’t he just accept me for who i am?”, “Why must i be the one converting???”. Why why why, i ask myself everyday. I am a free thinker, i don’t have issues with any religion. But why is it so hard to be together? It took some time for me to understand, which is exactly like what you had said in your blog post.

    I love him for who he are, but he gave up the relationship just because we have different priorities in life. To me, my family comes first but to him, God comes before family. It’s very hard to reason with someone who is bounded by a religion because of what is set in their mind. It doesn’t seem to make sense cause what i said is based on my own view, not god’s view (or any supporting reason from any religion). The worst break up line i received from him is “I wouldn’t be able to hear god again if i date you.” It sounds ridiculous to me, but i wouldn’t know if it’s just his excuse or it’s the truth? Nevertheless, this world is made up of so many religions, it’s never ending. You made your point as a Christian, and i made mine as a Non-Christian, with the same intention: Why can’t a Non-Christian date a Christian.

  10. John says:

    Wow do the words “set apart” or “holy” even mean anything to most of the people today claiming to be “Christians”? God’s desires are clear in both OT and NT. How about it? Would it have been acceptable for Paul or Peter to marry an unbeliever? Did Paul say it was ok for a widow to marry again just anyone, or only someone who belongs to the Lord? Was God angry with the Israelites for marrying foreigners, many of whom ended up weakening or outright destroying their relationship with God? This was symbolic of differing faiths rather than strictly ethnic divides. His clear instruction reveal his character and what pleases him. If you won’t count your costs and give up everything and lose your life for him, then don’t even bother getting started. He’ll just spit you out of his mouth and be done with it. Do you really think you and your unbelieving spouse can serve the Lord together and bring up godly children? A new creation, a holy priesthood, entering into a covenant marriage relationship with someone still in sin and death, who still technically belongs to Satan. How the deceiver has blinded you. When persecution comes because of the word, will your unbelieving spouse suffer for the Lord with you, that is, assuming you’re willing to suffer for him to begin with, let alone die for him?

  11. Simplelife says:

    Hi Cheryl,

    I happened to chance upon your blog because many of my Christian friends were sharing it.

    I felt a little uneasy because I am engaged to a Christian guy even though we happen to be of different faith. We had tried dating so many people of the same faith due partly to some of the reasons you mentioned above (yes, you can find almost similar verses in other religious scriptures as in the Bible) but it never worked.

    When my fiance and I met each other, we were just friends but we started seeing that our moral values, beliefs and perspectives in life were so in sync despite our differences in faith. We individually went through great internal struggle about whether we were doing the right thing and whether God will approve of this.

    When we told people of our decision to date and be a couple, the negative comments came wholly from my fiance’s Christian friends and family. It was a little sad to see how people rejected me without even getting to know me simply because I was not a Christian.

    My fiance and I have been growing in strength all these while and we’ve been stronger in our individual faith just as we help each other develop our relationship with God. As ironical as it seems, I encouraged him to go back to church more regularly – something his Christian family didn’t.

    We’ve had conversations of life after death and he sadly told me how I won’t make it to heaven because I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I believe in karma so I jokingly told him that I’ll do my best to do good and hopefully I end up in a decent place. So we accept that we may not be together in afterlife but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together now. We’ve always strongly believed that God made us for each other.

    Point is, religion is an individual relationship you have with God and at the end of your life, you have to face the Lord on your own. I hope that Christians out there who read your post also consider that there may be a non Christian out there who can help them grow their relationship with God. As it has for me and my fiance.

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  13. VCR says:

    You’re obviously a backward conservative twat that still lives in the 1900s. Wake up please.

  14. Woah says:

    I’ve never read so much bullshit in my life

  15. EC says:

    Thank you for your viewpoint about dating and marriage. I agree with you that whatever do has to glorify God. Be it dating, marriage, workplace, family and relationship.

    In this world we live in, we are exposed to many viewpoints. It is important to have wisdom in interpreting and understanding them. There will be many conflicting thoughts and opinions. We can disagree on those things but we are to respect the person for their choices and decisions. That is to love our neighbour. Love extends more than just the feeling that the world talks about. It encompasses even loving rebuke and teaching; like a friend telling you off when it is wrong. It encompasses encouragement, and it sometimes even encompasses revealing or going against gossips and plots that would undermine others or morally wrong.

    Being a Christian is never easy, since it would mean going through sufferings (for some of us) and giving up earthly passions and desires. But we do it for the glory of God.

    Give thanks for every single thing that comes our way, Even Paul rejoices in his sufferings. Our delight is in God and in God we should trust and put faith in.

    Remember the parable of the sower. The Word has been given out to all, but not all will receive it with delight. Pray for everyone for we do not know who God has chosen to be saved. To those who receives it delightfully, do not let down your guards and do not compromise. Press on brothers and sisters in Christ, in the glory of our God.

  16. bryan says:

    I’m afraid so many of you here do not understand the points the author is trying to make, and instead twist it to fit your own agenda.

    The author does not write this as the absolute truth. Nowhere does she say that this an absolute law espoused by Christ to be followed by all Christians. Neither does she imply that if you are dating a non-christian, you are sinning and destined for hell. In fact, she makes it clear that there are exceptions; and that each one of us should consider it carefully before making an informed decision about dating.

    What you have to understand is the Christian concept of marriage, and hence dating, is very different from the secular notion. In a Christian relationship, the end goal is to glorify God, not anything else. Because marital relationships are one of the most important relationships that we will hold in our life, it is even more crucial that we find the right partner, one that will not only allow us to coexist with each other, but to push us towards God

    This is not about playing down the validity or importance of other relationships. I don’t think the author is trying to say that non-christian relationships are somehow less than christian relationship. Being with a non-Christian partner does not necessarily make you a lesser Christian when put beside a Christian couple.

    The fact is, we all sin. And although Christ has died and paid the penalty for our sin, the race is not over. We try our very best to struggle against sin on a daily basis. For the author, choosing a Christian partner helps her in struggling against sin. It helps her to set aside time for God, and helps in not having to choose between God and her non-christian partner one day. It is a matter of avoiding temptations and risks that could jeopardize her relationship with God. For others, it may or may not help this way. If you are confident that God would remain being the first in your heart, then by all means go find a non-christian partner. In fact, it is encouraging to see Christians converting non-Christians in relationships and also remaining faithful to God. But the author does not think she is cut out for that. And so her wisdom is to avoid such relationships. Surely there is no wrong in that.

    Many of you here are going to look at this as elitist and discriminating, despite the author’s disclaimer. Fine, but we do have to realize that what the author expresses here is her honest opinion, something that is personal and close to her heart. It is something she feels strongly about in her personal life, and she meant this as a post to help Christians who are struggling with the same issue, on deciding the kind of partners they want. It makes no sense if you have already decided with full conviction on being with a non-christian partner, or do not even believe in Christianity, to jump on the bandwagon and throw all kinds of disparaging remarks on her opinion. You have already decided for yourself what you want in life, now, let others who have not decided for themselves do so using the wisdom of God.

    To everyone out there, please understand. When we reject you as a partner because you are not a Christian, it is not because you are weak, flawed and not good enough for us. It is because Christians like us are weak, flawed and not good enough for God. To help ourselves run the gospel race, we have to make some unpopular choices, and it is not because you made us do so, but because of our own sinful nature.

    There are of course, exceptions everywhere, and even Paul advises that Christians should remain faithful in a non-christian relationship, winning the other person over through displaying Christ-likeness.

    It is irrelevant to compare which of a Christian or non-christian or half christian relationship would allow for better communication, better living, or better holiness, since all of us are sinners who tend to look at ourselves and our happiness more than we look at God and how we can glorify God. The success and quality of relationships cannot be determined by the arbitrary label of ‘Christian’ or ‘half-christian’ or ‘non-christian’. Even if it could, what’s the point?

    Because you see, the contention has never been about who is the better christian, or who has the better christian relationship. No, the contention here is how do we become a better christian for the glory of God, and in the matter of relationships with other people, we do have a hard choice to make.

    1. Heretic says:

      I guess to be a better Christian would be ‘more like Christ’ as prescribed by author.

      Miracles aside, I guess the only things mortals can do, that Christ did, would be:
      1) Renounce all worldly possessions, travel the world on foot and spread the gospel.
      2) Get martyred at a young age.
      And most importantly…
      3) Never get married.

      If all Christians act as Christ-like as possible, there would be no Christians left. Hmm…

    2. Wu says:

      Bryan, one key point I, a fellow christian have to help you add: A nonchristian relationship is ONLY defined as the one that is entered into or happens AFTER MARRIAGE!

      This means every single word I am going to write down now:

      1)If 2 spouses are both non christian ALREADY in marriage, AND ONE OF THEM SUBSEQUENTLY becomes christian while in a nonchristian marriage, then this new christian spouse can exercise his faithfulness to Christ to win the nonchristian one over. This is obviously a complicated process, and God GUARANTEES IN THE BIBLE THAT THERE IS NO GUARANTEE that the nonchristian spouse will be turned over to christianity!!!

      So listen up boys and girls, christians and nonchristians alike: the bible absolutely wasn’t referring to nonchristian romantic relationships while dating, meaning, the bible wasn’t trying to say God is supportive of nonchristian romantic relationships while dating, consequently the bible surely also isn’t absolutely saying or even suggesting that during romantic dating, a christian soul can convert a nonchristian one so as to be equally yoked and suitable for christian marriage!!! You dun even look for a nonchristian gf/bf to convert in the first place!!! Because the christian in this kinda romantic relationship would have DEFIED GOD’S CLEAR AND ABSOLUTE COMMANDMENT TO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED IN VIEW OF MARRIAGE, but the christian in the relationship defined in the previous paragraph would have OBEYED GOD’S CLEAR AND ABSOLUTE COMMANDMENT TO CONTINUE IN FAITHFULNESS SO AS TO HOPEFULLY WIN OVER THE NONCHRISTIAN SPOUSE, IN MARRIAGE NO LESS AS WELL. Marriage is a convenant that shouldn’t be broken EVEN IF SUCH AN UNFORTUNATE THING HAPPEN AS ONE IS A BELIEVER AND THE OTHER ISN’T, divorce is prohibited/hated by God, so remaining in marriage DESPITE THIS UNFORTUNATE EVENT OF AN UNEQUALLY YOKED MARRIAGE and praying for conversion of the nonchristian spouse is complete obedience of God’s commandments!

      To drill home the point again: the nonchristian relationship in the first paragraph defined above happens ABRUPTLY in a marriage, which though very unfortunate, God has outlined a system of commandments in place to help this unfortunate unequally yoked spouses try to get over it! And unfortunate because these spouses weren’t looking for trouble, they only know they had yoke trouble when one of them became christian and grew in knowledge of Christian living, but this is a good sorta trouble because it is always good to gain salvation and be saved from eternity hell! But the nonchristian romantic relationship in the 2nd paragraph IS A NONMARRIAGE ONE, and is entered into knowingly by the christian counterpart, a clear trangression of the yoke commandment of God! He or she is looking for trouble when there should have been no trouble at all, and this isn’t a good sorta trouble to have, it just is plain and simple dumb trouble, because there is going to be a price to pay for knowingly transgressing God’s laws, the this price isn’t necessarily paid immediately but surely in time to come(it’s guaranteed to come!!!). The christian counterpart should have known better not to ENTER INTO MARRIAGE unequally yoked, and dating is one form of entry into marriage, because how on earth are you gonna get married without dating? Matchmaking doesn’t work anymore!!!! And the bible makes it explicit with the yoke commandment NOT TO ENTER INTO MARRIAGE UNEQUALLY YOKED!

      So again to drill home the point in even simpler singlish terms now: if already married, no choice, have to continue being unequally yoked till the day of equal yoke in the future(no guarantee); if not married, GOT CHOICE, CHOOSE NOT TO BE UNEQUALLY YOKED DURING DATING .

      All the best

  17. Richmond says:

    I used to be like you, thinking that it was necessary to find someone of similar faith, denomination and spirituality while the verse 2 Cor 6:14 kept running through the back of my head thinking that “well ya its only better or at best that I find someone that fits into that category”.

    I was wrong. First thing first the verse does not emphasize on marriage. The phrase “unequally yoked together” is derived from just one Greek word, “heterozugeo” which means “to yoke up differently; to associate discordantly; unequally yoke together.”

    This was only used once in the Bible.

    Paul was telling the congregation to not yoke with cities peppered with pagan temples.

    While its always good to take into consideration of the fact that we need someone to lead us on in term of faith I don’t think anyone should be limited in their search for a partner/spouse.

    If this is the case then one should only find his/her partner within their congregation and not cross denomination since there are varying views on their belief system.

    I would assume a Catholic would only find a Catholic to be a partner with since Catholic is nothing but a pagan belief while baptist would not date a charismatic since AOG speak in tongues and someone like me from a non-denominational church would not find someone outside my congregation since there are no other non-denominational churches?

    Also does not love supersede that of religion, ethnicity, gender, age….?

    While my church encourages disciples to date within the kingdom with certain restrictions like going in pairs instead of one couple alone due accountability, I don’t think I myself am very keen on anyone nor am I a fan of pairing up on dates. Because I find it a waste of time.

    While your views do stand I have to tell my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ do not be fooled by what men tell you, about who and how you should date.

    The bible does not limit the pool of people you should be dating nor should your church tell you that going on dates should be account for. This isn’t how God has intended for us to live.

    You are allowed to date or even marry an unbeliever. 2 Cor 6:14 does not stand as a command instructed by our Lord and Savior on whether or not you should date and marry someone. There are NO supporting verses on who you should date/marry in the bible.

    1. Shaun says:

      Richmond, to add onto your point about Paul exhorting the Corinthian church not to partake in pagan practices of eating meat offered to idols at pagan temples (or in the homes of pagan associates), some bible scholars believe that the restriction could possibly be maintaining membership in a pagan cult, attending ceremonies in pagan temples (related to trade guilds, or to birth, death, and marriage, or the Isthmian games), employment by pagan temples, pagan worship in the home, or more likely, visiting temple prostitutes and joining in pagan temple feasts.

      Acknowledging without conceding that Paul may not be referring specifically to marriage of Christians to non-Christians, I would like to suggest this: if believers were called not to engage in these marital partnerships, why would the more intimate relationship of marriage be excluded?

      For the purposes of discussion, dating would be the period whereby a couple enter into a romantic relationship with the purpose of seeing if they are compatible for marriage life. With regards to dating, the bible does not provide explicit instruction on it because dating is a more modern occurrence. But what the bible does provide principles in what to look for in a spouse.

      1. Richmond says:

        Do you live by what the bible says or do you live by what you think the bible suggest is best for you or what your church thinks its good for you?

        Again the bible does NOT explicitly say who you should and should not be marrying, it gives you a heads up on some of the qualities in which you should be keeping an eye out for.

        It is easy to say that dating or marrying an unbeliever could potentially see one’s faith go downhill, this may or may not be true. That is turn does not give anyone the rights to say that finding or marrying a someone within the church is bound to have a spiritual and fruitful marriage with zero percent chances of a divorce.

        Marriage is a beautiful ceremony and its not about whether or not you are a believer or unbeliever. If you have faith you can do anything.

        Do people lose faith after marriage? Yes and no. Do unbelievers become believers after marriage? Yes and no. Are there “good”, “average” or “awesome” marriages in both believers and unbelievers? Yes and no.

        I don’t think people should be placing priority on whether or not this person I am dating is a believer. Its beyond that, I am not advocating that you take part in a worldly form of relationship but I think its good to keep pure even if your partner is not a believer while this may not be easy, its only good to let you unbelieving partner know that he/she should respect your decision on staying away from sexual impurities and remaining pure in the eyes of the Lord, although there is nothing wrong since everyone is bound to sin regardless.

        To say that the bible says that one should only marry a believer to believer is a lie. God does not forbid the marriage of a believer to an unbeliever.

      2. Wu says:

        Hi Richmond,

        You are ultimately talking about probability, and I have written a full long post on the probability game.

        You are so right Richmond when you say that the bible doesn’t explicitly say who to marry. You are indeed allowed to marry a nonchristian by human freewill, just as you are allowed to murder anybody you dislike, but there must be consequences to be had! Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial in this case for the human soul. The bible may not have explicitly stated who christians should marry, but it is clear from since the old testament passages and texts, and then in that particularly corinthians chapter that God DOES NOT WISH for an unbelieving soul to be united with an believing soul, no matter how mature or powerful the believing soul is, because if any believing soul thinks he/she is mature or powerful enough, that is already sin because that particularly person has positioned his wants and desires above that of the kingdom of God!!! “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given unto you” (matthew 6:32)!!

        I can explain away why on earth you can see real life successful examples of unbelieving and believing souls united as one in an equally successful marriage! Let me tell you why now, and even tell you why this could even be the norm:

        First of all, God is infinitely merciful and gracious, and if his believers sin and not know that they have sinned, or disregard their sin, he WANTS to continue to be merciful and gracious because that is his nature! He wished those believing souls had received better biblical grounding and instruction to lead them in a ‘better’ direction with another believing spouse, he so totally wishes that, but alas, we live in the last days, and in these times, anything goes, man can marry man, woman can marry woman, man can change to woman, and woman can change to man, woman can become the head of the family(!), the devil has turned the kingdom of God into chaos, upside down. While man used to get into marriages with woman, and that used to be the norm, one day i assure you(if christ hasn’t returned), Richmond, the norm would be this: same sex marriage will be the norm! Expect that my dear friend! Sin is degenerate, and you and I are degenerates, that means, you and I have no way of saving ourselves from this degenerate, and if you and i think and want to believe that a powerful believing soul can in the future convert a non believing spouse then that is only because you were degenerate to think like this!!!! It isn’t because you are smarter than the rest of the congregation of leaders of the church, or trying to resist what church elders tell you. A proper Church Elder speaks from the bible, and you are simply resisting the bible by seeking first your own kingdom rather than God’s!!! The Corinthians verse on not being unequally yoked is a legitimate and outstanding verse of all time and space with regards to marriage, and by extension, dating in our modern times!!! But back to the point on why you can see successful partnerships that are unequally yoked: we live in the last days and Christ is coming again, God knows sin’s stronghold is getting stronger and stronger, his mercies and graciousness abound ever more, and he makes seemingly incompatible of faulty relationships work simply to glorify him, because the world is so darn bad that you are going to find less and less totally successful equally yoked marriages, but more and more successful unequally yoked ones, so God MIGHT AS WELL SEEK TO REPAIR OR REHABILITATE unequally yoked marriages and seek to make it glorify His name by ‘perfecting’ it in imperfection!!! But that is BY NO MEANS THE GREENLIGHT for you to dare to speak in this comments section something extremely heretical and blasphemous: that the bible hasn’t spoken in absolute terms who a christian should marry, and that one can consequently marry unbelieving souls since statistics show that these marriages can be equally if not more successful than equally yoked ones!!!

        I have to rebuke you for that, i’m sorry!!!

        Understand the bible is ABSOLUTE, CLEAR AS CLEAR CAN BE! IF YOU WANT TO SEE IT AS CLEAR! But wanting to see it as clear and absolute can only come from a heart of WANTING TO HAVE 100% faith, even if you will fail to have 100% in real life, not from a heart of contention and trying TO CRITICALLY ANALYSE SCRIPTURE for the sake of bringing it down or displacing its integrity: which is how some biblical scholars execute analysis of the bible, which is how you can read and find on the internet some totally absurd articles by well-known ‘biblical scholars’ that Jesus had a wife(!!!!!!!!!) because these select few or perhaps even the majority of scholars aren’t analysing scripture by faith, they aren’t using the worldly tools of analysis like exegesis and hermeneutics to exalt the perfect integrity and dignity of scripture! They go into analysis scripture the way a teacher goes to mark an essay composition from a highschool student, looking for errors galore, trying to find a reason not to give the student a fullmark grade in essay writing( and almost no student ever gets a 100% for essays consequently!). Similarly, a few or many scholars in fact aren’t simultaeously true Christians, because a true Christian MUST BEFORE GOING INTO ANALYSING SCRIPTURE HAVE 1 FUNDAMENTAL ASSUMPTION: THAT SCRIPTURE IS ABSOLUTE AND 100% ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Aka perfection!!! Failing which, you will find even the slightest inconsistency/error/problem in and with the bible and make a big case about it, by which time the devil’s work in you is complete, because you will lead a whole congregation or world into further degenerate and destruction down the generations, guarantee 100%!!! If there are any inconsistencies/errors/problems/lack-thereof in the bible, understand that God intended these to be there, in the sense that despite all these so called errors, the bible is STILL A 100% PERFECTION ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!! This might be hard to accept for you, because these method of analysis isn’t what worldly education systems in singapore and all over the world since time immemorial taught you, the same was for me. You can’t rationalize God’s word using worldly methods of critique except if you use these same methods BY 100% FAITH(or at least trying to be 100%) with the singular most important assumption that the bible is impregnable and infallible, then only your worldly methods of critique will work!

        Remember Richmond: you need this assumption otherwise, anything goes, you can say or do what you want, you can think about the church and its leaders however you want, total anarchy…………………….

        1. Richmond says:

          “God DOES NOT WISH for an unbelieving soul to be united with an believing soul, no matter how mature or powerful the believing soul is, because if any believing soul thinks he/she is mature or powerful enough, that is already sin.”

          See the problem with people like you is that you claim that by doing certain things would render it as sin but it isn’t not unless you have verses to proof your point.

          That’s like saying any faithful God fearing person who has married to an unbeliever is now bound for hell because his/her spouse is an unbeliever and in order to repent and ask for forgiveness he/she shall now part each other to once again receive their salvation.

          I don’t think the bible register it as “sin”, not from the ones that I’ve read at least.

          This is also the reason why people leave church because men add their own interpretation of the bible and preach them to people. They give advice and tell them the “words of God” that ISN’T actually the word of God.

          Leaders or elders can’t be go around telling people “hey I know the bible doesn’t say this in black/white but here you shouldn’t be doing this” really why not? Who has authority over its people men or God?

          Is it wrong in the eyes of the Lord? You need to check your heart for yourself. If Christians are limited to marrying fellow believers or even dating within the kingdom I don’t think a lot of marriages are going to happen if you look at small congregations.

          Also not all congregations are filled with equal set of singles, so I am guessing a lot of people are going to fall into the “do yoke with unbelievers” trap and stay single their whole life which I’m already seeing in my church with a special group made for older women.

          I don’t think anyone in their right mind would want to be limited to dating within their church. Its easy for some other churches to say “well you can find someone from another church as long as they are Christian” I guess that’s why ChristianMingle.com exist.

          Does not the verse apply here again despite being believers? I am sure almost everyone who has gone out to find their significant other from another church must have compromise by now ignoring 2 Cor 6:14 because now they have an excuse to say “hey look at least he/she is Christian, that’s all that matters right?” or is it?

          But its not okay to date/marry an unbeliever? I call it dual standards right there. If its okay to marry someone despite being in two different denominations I don’t see why marriage between a believer and unbeliever cannot take place.

    2. Wu says:

      No no no Richmond, I’m with you on the point that dating believers or dating within the kingdom really means dating from the pool of doctrinal and sound chrisian churches around the world! Not necessarily a within a single sound and doctrinal church. And i go to great lengths to write ‘sound and doctrinal’! Because, if you asked me personally(and I’m not coming from moral highground), charismatic, catholic, roman catholic, mormon, new age, some presbysterian churches, IN SINGAPORE ONLY, and according to me only, doesn’t come from a sound and doctrinal background, or used to come from a sound and doctrinal background but strayed ever so slightly and dangerously away from the Word of God. So obviously if I know a believer from a sound and doctrinal church, i would hope to limit the pool of churches who believers he/she can date/mingle!!! This consequently also answers your question about dating and marrying from 2 different denominations. The answer is a categorical NO, if you asked me only!

      The sentence you highlighted in the your first paragraph was a statement meticulously crafted just for you, dear Richmond! I couldn’t have been any happier that it has rung a doubt in your mind, because honestly, that particular statement i wrote was one of the most important statements that I intentionally wanted attention on, even despite knowing I would get strong objections! And i am also extremely happy that you can see that there is no clear explicit indication, with regards to dating in view of marriage, that ‘seeing yourself as mature/powerful christian soul’ would transgressed God’s commandments in the bible. Because then I may have an effect on you, by helping you to even more holistic knowledge! You see Richmond, you read the bible in your journey as a christian, and in the beginning, to explain simplistically, you read it in bits and pieces, like an amateur, some from here and there and everywhere, then as you grow and mature, hopefully through the calling of God to be more righteous and fruitful, you begin to read with better lenses(more holistically), all the while through 100 percent faith and humility, not trying to find a fault but fully immersing(read meditating or swallowing) the scripture as it is, you begin to see the smaller local texts and stories and how it supports a larger and more holistic Christian philosophy consist of the core tenets of love, faith, and obedience, i call the big three! As you mature as well, you read the bible from the first chapter to the last once through every year or every 2 years, and you keep reading it, chasing and imbibing ever increasing joy of knowing scripture, until such time, and it always works this way(ie through years of patience and understanding of the word, there is no other way, no shortcut, Christianity is a slow and steady investment that always goes up if you know to do the right things and keep the faith), you being to holistically understand the full philosophy of Christianity, WHICH IS HOW I COME TO MY CONCLUSION THAT “seeing yourself as mature/powerful soul able to convert a nonchristian soul before marriage” is not only pride and ego, but extreme pride and ego, it’s nature is selfish, defiant, and egotistical, exactly like the behavior and character of Satan the fallen Angel. But God and his philosophy is the exact opposite, is the rarest form of humility you never ever see in today’s world, because we are in the last days, of total submission to God, of holistic understand of the word of God not only with regards to dating and marriage, but every single aspect of living, speaking and doing!!! I already know strong objections were going to come, this is how you can be sure, richmond, that I know what i’m talking about, and wouldn’t have been so meticulous to craft tailor made explanations and statements to get to the very core of your spiritual angst! You don’t need to know that ‘seeing yourself as mature/powerful soul’ is the beginnings of sin because of pride, through your reading and understanding of book one to the last of the bible as a whole philosophically. There are so many instances from book one to the last in which God severely judged people who exalt themselves. And in order to exalt themselves, they needed to first see that they were good by their own means!!! You do know a TRULY smart and intelligent, say student in a university, WOULDN’T ever say he is smart and intelligent, or SEE himself(without saying a word) as smart and intelligent!!! Same logic here!!! A truly humble and God obedient and faithful christian would never ever take the reigns from God FOR EVEN ONE MOMENT IN TIME, such as in dating to say or even think that he/she has what it takes, before marriage to convert a nonchristian and then even proclaiming and using the name of God in vain by saying(commanding) ‘God will hopefully convert him/her if God is love!!!’. That is blasphemous, you dun use God to serve up ungodly ends at all, AND UNDERSTAND THAT IF GOD ULTIMATELY DOES HELP YOU TO BRING ABOUT GOOD OUTCOMES TO UNGODLY ENDS, he was being merciful and gracious to you, he hated your action of thinking that you could get Him to bless an ungodly decision, and he wants very much to destroy you(like in the old testament you would dropped dead to the ground immediately!), my dear Richmond, but you FORCED THE ALMIGHTY GOD OF THE UNIVERSE TO SUBMIT TO YOUR LAME REQUEST TO DO CONVERSION FOR YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU FELT ENTITLED TO BELIEVE, ALBEIT WRONGLY, THAT HE SHOULD ALWAYS CAN AND WILL FULFIL ALL YOUR WANTS AND DESIRES! You submit to him, and the other way round. Any other way is sin because pride…………………

      Hope this helps

      1. Richmond says:

        Interesting. I do appreciate the time you have taken and all to time everything out not to mention the upper case to add all those sound emphasis. I would be awe to know if you are in my church given the fact that you are not on the other denominational churches you mentioned.

        Again the problem with people like you in the kingdom is that you use scare tactics and put down others down just because they have a different take from you.

        And when people ask questions they say “oh you are weak in your faith, have you been doing your quite times and prayers lately? you shouldn’t be asking this and that just have faith, you don’t change because you are prideful, ego and blah blah blah…”

        You shove your level of “spirituality” down fellow Christian throats because you are a lot more sound in your walk with God. Then you claim people can’t take in it because they are stubborn and cannot grow out of being an infant in Christ and still sucking milk when it comes to spiritual food.

        Great I am sure God had all these Christian people in mind to go around and tell them “hey look its a weak brother/sister in Christ, let’s make them feel a lot more lousy” oh what did you pray for? something lame? oh dear God isn’t going to answer that honey.

        You sound just like my leaders. They come around and say “oh how do you know dating someone outside would be beneficial for you?” or “you know that he/she don’t have salvation right?”

        So much for feeding positive on saving a lost soul. Well done. Look ladies and gentlemen Christians should only date within their congregation even if one gender is greater then the other. Sorry ladies that you will have to die single and that no one dated you while you were younger.

        Look the bible says its a sin to date men and women outside your faith not even cross denomination is spared. Date/marry someone outside your faith and ye shall be judged for all eternity. Woohoo welcome to Christianity men has made with their own agenda.

      2. Wu says:

        Yes dear Richmond,

        You do know that saying something to help you is better than saying nothing at all, right? But you also do know that saying something and putting your ideas/opinions/knowledge out there is also going to encounter strong contest, and in some cases like right now: very strong objection to what I have to say. But it’s always better than silence, for the type of conversation we are having. ‘Silence is golden’ has its place and time in other types of social or familial dynamics, but not this time, I have to say something, and to say something is to definitely be a target of ridicule and derision from all angles and all kinds of people, that is the way things go in Christianity, I’ve come to expect strong objections, and you also would do well to come to expect that contrary to what you believe, probably only 3 out of 10 pastors from sound and doctrinal churches around the world are completely free of corruption with regards to preachinig sound doctrinal truths and having private and public lives that also reflect sound doctrinal truths they preach on the pulpit!!! I repeat: you absolutely must change your expectations about the church and its leaders, and understand that the church is not some paradise free of sin, and you would do well to accept that forgiveness must be the way to go for leaders who sinned against you(assuming the leaders, according to you had really and truly sinned against you by God’s standard!). If you are from a doctrinal church, i would like to to think the probability of errant leaders is not very high, and the chances that they ‘sinned’ against the congregation might also be not very high, but I want to also believe you have been sinned against.

        Pray about it unceasingly if you think you have been wronged, praying INCESSANTLY, almost as if your life depends on it, just as you need to eat physical food for nourishment, the same applies for prayer. I think these are things you would have heard till you cringed, so i shan’t say more.,…… i assume you know what to do, and what you do will influence whether or not your nonbelieving spouse will be converted by God’s grace and mercy, in that though you went into the marriage knowing she wasn’t a christian, God is forever gracious and merciful and will deliver you and her. However, if you are advising anybody going into marriage, you MUST ABSOLUTELY TELL THEM NOT TO ENTER INTO A MARRIAGE KNOWING THEIR OTHER HALF ISN’T CHRISTIAN. Even if you your wife comes to know Christ and accept Him and you can be one fine example of success through disobeying God’s word, you were simply totally fortunate that your disobedience didn’t result in greater anguish for you. You put your life on a game of russian roulette and essentially challenge God to save you out of it, just a like young and rebellious child contending with his or her parents’ demands!

    3. Wu says:

      Richmond, i also need to to touch another point with you. I completely understand when you say ‘that is why people leave the church because man add their own interpretation of the bible and preach it to their congregation”. I completely agree with you that sin is so rife right now at this moment we speak, that even pastors and leaders of churches are becoming more and more corrupted. As you know the pastor of city harvest church has been prosecuted for fraud, it isn’t surprising given we are living in he last days. And I assure you, Richmond, as we speak now, there are probably 7-8 out of 10 pastors in singapore alone, who are preaching nonbiblical stuff(ie, either less than what the bible contains, OR, more than what the bible contains!!!). I have absolutely no doubt about these occurrences, because you know why Richmond? The devil is extremely smart, he knows he cannot bring down God and his church from the outside, so you know what satan does? He corrupts and tempts once righteous leaders of God so that they may lead the congregation astray who will in turn lead more astray who will in turn lead even more astray!!! That’s why police use moles to wit out crime, because they know they can’t take down a crime syndicate from the outside, they NEED TO GO UNDERCOVER, MY DEAR FRIEND, TO GO INSIDE AND WITHIN THE WALLS OF CRIME to destroy crime!!!! You must get this concept of the strategic battle between good and evil clear otherwise you are going down depressed, and disillusioned with Christianity, and Satan can be very so extremely happy that Richmond has been won over to the dark side!!!

      Understand the word of God and his philosophy is infinitely good, perfect, infallible, and it is sinful men who appear to make it infinitely terrible, imperfect and fallible!!! The pastor of City harvest church has certainly done the kingdom of the forces of evil/darkness a great favor, and done the kingdom of the forces of light/good a great dishonor! Certainly this pastor’s actions happen to be broadcasted to the world, but there are certainly more pastors with such actions in singapore and around the around. I already gave you a probably stat above, that 7-8 out of 10 pastors are corrupt, but that doesn’t mean the bible is corrupt, it ONLY APPEARS TO GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT THE BIBLE IS CORRUPT!!!! YOu need to make this distinction Richmond! YOu are experiencing an illusion, a terrible one, one that many commentators on this comments section is experiencing, and I’m trying desperately to shine light on these illusions, to make distinctions very explicitly clear, BECAUSE KNOWLEGE IS POWER, KNOWLEDGE IS LIGHT!!!! And I”m using the English language to make very subtle and fine distinctions for everybody to see, because English is the only language I can bring my point across a common denominator!!!!

      Remember the assumption boys and girls: the bible and all it’s commands, text, prophecies is perfect beyond your imagination. If you think mona Lisa’s art piece is the caricature of perfection, understand that there is perfect beyond that standard that exist since the beginning of time, and will always exist to the infinity!!!!!

  18. jellyman says:

    “and really, is it worth being other kind?”
    is enough to warrant that your self beliefs and thoughts on your own/other religion is the problem, not the religion

    show some respect to others.

    a real relationship is 2 humans being together, not 2 gods tgt

  19. John says:

    Wow all this argument over something so straightforward? I thought things were bad, but this is just ridiculous. Just keep doing whatever seems right in your own eyes. God gave you that choice.

  20. Echorest says:

    I hear you and quite frankly, I do respect your stance on this matter.

    I dated a Christian for almost five years. From where it begin, we were on fire for God and stuff. We went for prayer meetings, retreats, out reaches and so on. And in the end, we drifted away slowly and steadily. My then Girlfriend slept with another guy and got caught by me. I decided to forgive, and it happened again… Decided to break it all up.

    Now, I’m married to a non Christian girl, having a beautiful Daughter. I do agree it isn’t simple, having a Wife that’s a prebeliver BUT it isn’t the end of the world. She has been nicer than my ex, more supportive of me of my job (I work in a church) and ministries. She doesn’t like the idea of being a Christian yet do all she can to support the outreaches and stuff that I’m involved in. And at times when Daughter is sick, she will ask me to pray for her.

    And when I look back in life, my wife did more to impact and help my ministry I’m involved in to grow than my ex gf in all her years.

    Christianity is a personal relationship, and never a regulation. The moment we see it as a set of rules and regulations, we only can see nothing but our own lack. So what separates us from prebelivers?

    If we confess with our mouths and believe in our hearts that Jesus is Lord, we will be saved! I’m not saying that the prayer is a magical incantation ticket to heaven, or that once we say that prayer, everything will be resolved automatically by grace (sorry I don’t subscribe to hypergrace) but the only difference is our beliefs, relationship and actions.

    So to me, I constantly live a life recognisable of a Christian, and I do believe and pray that one day, my Wife can come to the saving knowledge that Jesus is Lord. But in the meantime, should I be condemned for marrying a non believer? No!

  21. OPENEYES says:

    Well, I for one, call B.S. (not Bible Study) on that.
    There was a guy in church who a cell leader that many looked up to, and a leader in many other ministries who touched me inappropriately and when shit happened, we decided get together even though I had no feelings for him (Naturally, since the Church promotes the kind of culture where we should only lose our big V to the person we marry right). I was still underaged then.

    He would be what any typical christian like you would call “servant of Christ”, “God-fearing” and everything else in between. By your standards, he would be the “someone who will care for and even nurture your spiritual growth, who will encourage you through Scripture during hard times, who will love you because Christ first loved him/her, who will be someone your kids can model and follow spiritually, and whose true home, like yours, is heaven.” He believed in all that. He studied the bible so fervently, he encouraged a culture of studying critically by cross-referencing and all that, he graduated from bible college etc. Basically, he’d be the first person that fit into your criterion and yet the last person anybody would think of having that sort of outrageous behaviour. They were all under wraps.

    Eventually, I couldn’t take it after a whole vicious cycle of feeling guilty over and over again during a span of close to two years, and I ended up being the one to break it off with him because by my “christian” standards, I knew the behaviour was just not right. Mind you, he wasn’t the one who decided to stop sinning. I did. And soon enough the guilt overwhelmed me because I was still serving in quite a few ministries then, and I decided to stop attending church for awhile.

    We were still on talking terms and of course he was upset that I decided to take a break from church. He convinced me to come to church for one last weekend and while I was there, I was called upon by some church leaders (pastors, cell leaders) in the midst of worship to a room where they said they heard I wanted to leave and asked why. Turns out the guy decided to confess everything between him and I to them during the days before I came for my supposed “last” service. I don’t know if he did that out of fear or out of guilt, but he did.

    Following that, I left for good because I felt ashamed that all the church leaders knew and oh, did I miss this out, the Church said that they banned him from contacting me so this weasel of a person, never once contacted me to apologise. Nope, no sir ree, not a single peep or word from him and he still had the cheek to hide behind church leaders while church leaders kept contacting me for ‘reconciliation’ (and what good does that really do, I don’t understand).

    Now, I’ve been blabbering on, I’m sorry. But my point here is this, when you’re in the church community, you do everything the church says without having your own view points. You quote some verses, you interpret it like how your Church and its leaders would, and then you make your judgment based on that. You get so clouded by them that you don’t make sound moral judgments and decisions; decisions that are good for yourself, decisions that makes sense to just any normal human out there. Christians always think in the christian context, they have lost all ability to take themselves OUT of the context to think like a normal human being. Take for example, that weasel of a person (for lack of better words), never once took his own initiative to come apologise to me because apparently, the church was unsure how I would take it and wanted to make sure I was “ready for reconciliation’, whatever that means. Come on, if something was done wrong, you apologise. No matter how many times, or how long it takes, normal people apologise. What he did, was to let the leaders tell him what was “best” to do, and he followed suit. But really, who are they to know what was best in the situation. What if all I needed was an apology for me to move on, maybe that was all I needed to draw me back to church? Apparently, they know best and it’s best to do what they say because once again, they quote some verses and interpret that that’s what it means right?

    I have so much more to say about this point but i’ll stop here and end off with this advice: Step outside of this overrated “church culture” where they tell you the world out there is evil. Go out to the world, keep believing in God and Jesus Christ all you want, but really step outside into the world and meet people from all over, learn about all religions and look at things through the eyes of normal people everywhere before making your decision on what it is you want to follow, what your permanent beliefs are and how you judge others… You’ll come to realise that it is still possible to make morally right decisions that may not be what the Church interprets is best, but who is the Church to decide what is right and wrong. Every commandment is stated in the Bible and those are clear-cut ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. Interpretations and inferences are not, even if the opinion came from a well-versed and respected theological scholar who cross-referenced everywhere, they are not hard truths.

    I don’t know why I ended up typing so much. I probably saw myself in you though somehow I know you prolly won’t give a crap about what I said just because it’s coming from somebody who’s “gone astray”.

    1. OPENEYES says:

      And please, before anyone comes to tell me that he’s the exception, not the rule, or that, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Please save it. I’m not saying all Christians are like that. I’m not generalising. I’m sorry if I sound like that. It’s just easier to refer to the “some” as “you”.

      It doesn’t have to be this one guy’s example, there are other examples I can think of the back of my head. But this was my turning point in the religion. Not because of what happened, I’m way over it, lol but rather because of how it helped me to see.

      1. Wu says:

        Hi Openeyes,

        I completely understand your point of view, and have even predicted what Christians are going to reply in their messages in terms of saying that this guy who wronged you is the exception rather than the rule, or it could even be the rule rather than the exception because the truth of the matter in our modern world is this: truly Godly and righteous men and women of faith is few and far between!!!

        So in fact, if Christians or nonchristians knew anything about christian living, they would know that living the completely righteous life is next to virtually impossible, and only a pipe dream, because we are surrounded by sin from every possible corner of our eyes, ears, nose, mouth, skin. In fact, any atom or molecule is a product of sin, and everywhere in our universe exist atoms and molecules, so sin is ubiquitous!

        The guy who sinned against your body, my dear friend, IS THE RULE!!! And I want you to get use to that idea, because we are living in the last days, the impact and reach of SIN is so darn great that the existence of truly righteous and holy men, by God’s standards, is probably 1 in a million?!! Knowing this, you also know that the return of Christ, or the 2nd coming is very very near, because we are very very near the end of the last days, and being in this position in time, it is hardly a surprise if you hear a pastor sleeping around with many women, or an elder who is simultaneously a pedophile, or a cell leader who smokes 20 packs of cigarettes a day, or another pastor who claims that can ‘see’ the future, or yet another pastor who claims that homosexuality is acceptable, or that polygamy isn’t all that immoral! To hear these outrageous things IN THE CHURCH, much less outside of it, in the 21st century fraught with ISIS wars and other rogue terrorists activities and rampantly frequent natural disasters and fatal infectious diseases isn’t all that surprising. I would be surprise if you told me there is not one pastor in this world who has slept around with women. In fact, to be more accurate, i would be surprised if you told me, there is not 80 out of 100 pastors who have at one point or other in their lives slept with women outside of marriage! Because in such a sinful world nearing its end, it is completely ‘normal’ for 80 out of 100 pastors to sleep around!!! You don’t know the stronghold of the flesh(sin), how darn powerful it is right now, how so sickeningly pervasive and invasive today as compared to 1000 years the ago, because the world only gets worst in morals and ethics and all things fleshly, because sin is degenerate, and so the world is also degenerating in morals and ethics. It might seem like a very blasphemous statement I am making, that 80 out of every 100 pastors have committed fornication or adultery, and I dun have real statistics, and neither am I a pessimist or sadist looking to embarrass Christianity, but I’m just using pure and simple logical Christian deduction from knowledge about the word of God in the bible: everything else in our world must degenerate in quality and quantity(think birthrate, no amount of government aid will increase birthrate to pre1960s level by the law of degeneration of the flesh), so from 80 pastors out of 100 who committed sexual sin, in 100 years time, you GENERALLY must get 90 out of 100 pastors who have done this sin! Which makes the 10 minority pastors the exception, the beautiful reflection of their faithfulness and obedience in the Word of God, it’s like 100 people going to fight in a war and only 10 survive: how tragic but beautiful at the same time, because you would think these 10 survivors or pastors have something special in the sense that they help on resolutely to the philosophy of God’s, resisting a truckload of temptations from the flesh, and perhaps just perhaps, my dear friend, your experiences with the church community have unfortunately fell within the range of this 80-90 percent chance bad encounters, since such encounters are actually the rule than exception!!! Perhaps you need to continue to hold out faith for just 1 more hour, day, month, year, decade, so that God can reveal to you FINALLY, what a real(read doctrinal) Church looks like, and consequently also, you have a HIGHER PROBABILITY of finding out what a REAL christian man looks like in his heart and mind!!! I say higher probability because you can still get the occasional odd man or woman in the mold of your cell leader, but finding the wrong church will definitely increase your encounters with such ‘bad’ people. And maybe the church you used to be in might have been a good and doctrinal church, and you were plain and simply so unfortunate to have chanced upon an odd man who happens to be somehow alienated or lost from doctrinal(read biblical) christianity!

        Keep holding out, and God will bless you. Ask around the ‘right’ people/Christians which are the good churches and which aren’t. If you hear a certain church in the news because their pastors and leaders had seemed to breach the financial trust of their believers, and are now facing possibility of jail, you also know that this is obviously one of the churches to avoid, because the probability of going astray is so much higher being in an unbiblical or undoctrinal church, because its members are also likely the same. Whatever the root/source is, and if it is degenerate, the expression of he root/source will also follow suit. If the leaders of a church are degenerate, the probability that its followers are will be much higher. There might be the rare and odd man or woman who is so blessed by the Lord that he or she may be able to just analyse his or her way through scripture by himself or herself and gain effective knowledge so well as to be above the leaders of the church, but that is very rare, like the chance of anybody being struck by lightning!!

        A good church to go to: Fishermen of Christ fellowship in Queenstown. You do understand at least that the church is made of human beings, who though christians are still afflicted by sin no less, and can fail in sin no less as well. You have a good start with this concept in mind, because the church is not some perfect entity or dream getaway, but neither should you throw the church out of your life and cease having faith because of a certain sinning norm in our society, because the sinning norm must be what you MUST EXPECT!

  22. Hi Cheryl,

    Thanks for your blog post! Amidst the myriad of comments, criticism, and hate of your worldview, I would just like to thank you & encourage you for posting this. This blog post really speaks out of what my head thinks and what my heart believes in, it’s just that none of the articles so far have created such an impact, maybe because it is not written by a local, or its lack of authenticity (unlike yours).

    Somehow, this post has been circling around Facebook and many of my friends, including non-christians, are sharing this (i guess this is an unintended consequence)! I can’t thank God enough because not only are my non-christian friends hearing about our beliefs, but it also makes it so much easier to speak about such issues with them, and to start a spiritual conversation with them. Instead of sharing thrash and sharing viral thrash on social media, this is a good post to be shared around.

    This post also allows me to share and talk with my brothers & sisters who are younger or younger in their faith.

    SO, Thank You! This is what our generation needs. People who are willing to stand up for our faith and to be able to make an impact in our society. I encourage you to continue pressing on in your writing and journey in faith towards Christ-likeness. I hope this comment will encourage you even just for a little bit. ^_^

    [1Th 5:11 ESV] Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

    A fellow Bro in Christ, Sports Enthusiast & United Fan,

  23. Shaun says:

    I’m a 27 year old bible school student and would like to commend you Cheryl for having the courage to blog on this topic. It is indeed very difficult because most postmoderns would regard us to be narrow minded if we contend that our worldview is right.

    I would like to humbly suggest that Christian guys are over-rated, because how many of us can claim to (and here’s the yardstick I believe that measure whether the yoke is equal) want to have God’s will and not our wills done in our life? Does both the guy and girl desire to surrender their lives in light of what Christ has done? Whether a “Christian” goes to to church or serves in ministry may not be a good gauge of whether they exhibit and continually desire to pursue growing in likeness of God.

  24. believer says:

    Thanks for sharing this post :)

  25. Liren says:

    Only one point to make:

    LOL at all Christians getting defensive over their dating of non-Christians and vice-versa.

  26. And many of the commentators are unwilling to subscribe to this “hard and fast” rule stated above. In fact, many seem to have a weak understanding of the bible and therefore aren’t able to appreciate what the author is saying. It’s a pity, but I guess, only time will help these guys realize that they are in complete denial or have decided to justify their worldly views.

    It’s simple really. If you want to be serious with God, then it’ll take sacrifices, because we live in a fallen world, one that has propagated a completely different message from what God says.

    1. Liz says:

      Thanks clifford for your kind words. I understand where you are coming from. :). My only hope is that he really will know his mistakes and not repeat them in his next relationship.

      Same goes for me too, I’m no saint and I know I have my flaws. Guess it’s just up to me now to grow and be strong as a person, mentally and spiritually.

  27. Liz says:

    Hi cheryl, thank you for your thoughts on dating a non-christian. It’s a very interesting read. I do believe in freedom of speech, and ironic as it is freedom of speech means there will definitely be opposing views.

    Not that what you are doing or saying is wrong, I believe you are very convicted in what you are preaching and kudos on that, but I also believe people are entitled to their own beliefs, religious or not, on the basis that the religion steers them towards moral righteousness. Being an agnostic myself I sometimes question the need for religion in a world fraught full of deceit and betrayal, most actions done so by religious people themselves.

    I’ve recently been through a break up with my ex (who calls himself a christian and his family other than his parents are christians) of 3 and a half years, after finding out that not only did he cheat on me again, but also was introduced to other women by his sister with the agenda of being with one of them. So I guess my question is this, being that I am the non-christian, how can people with skewed morals and principles advocate unfaithfulness and cheating still call themselves christians?

    Is it not in the bible or at least in the teachings to be people with righteous morals? What happens to people who then are worst off, have spouses who are christians with skewed morals? Is religion of utmost importance in comparison to that? I’m open to all opinions because this has been in my mind for the longest time.

    1. Hey Liz, thought I could offer my 2 cents worth. First of all, I don’t know what exactly the dynamics of your r/s with your ex-bf was, but let me say that cheating or lying or murdering, all are sins and are essentially ways that we have disobeyed God’s commands for the way we should live our lives. Yknow, I totally hear you, and as a Christian, I’m deeply regretful to how this other Christian has betrayed your trust. But here comes the kicker, Christians are fallen creatures, and we too, are sinful beings.
      It doesn’t mean that once we become Christians, i.e followers of Jesus Christ, it means that we are free from falling, free from disobeying God.

      And here’s my take on Christians who don’t behave like Christians. It somewhat reflects what Cheryl mentioned briefly above.
      1. We may be still growing – And are still stuck on our old ways. So that said, if we are truly serious in following Christ, then it should demand that we take some actions to change. If we continue in our old ways, clearly, that says something about our faith. And if we are sincere in following God/Christ, then repentance and change must be apparent (ie apologies, amendments, seeking forgiveness, etc) And with regards to your ex-bf, only God knows how serious he is/was on this faith journey.

      2. (Somewhat related to the above point) But I know of Christians who go to church on Sundays and key Christian events (ie Christmas or Easter) but truly hasn’t made an conviction to follow after our Savior and God, Jesus Christ. To this point then, those that call themselves “Christians” are only in name. Not in walk and talk.

      That said, I too am a fallen being, and as much as I seem like I’m preaching, I too am liable to what I said above.

    2. Wu says:

      Hi Liz,

      My biggest help for you is to get you to see that God’s word is infinitely infallible and impeccable, and if humans are devoid of sin, then, the EXPRESSION of this infinitely infallible and impeccable word will also be impeccable! That means, no adultery, no disloyalty of any sort in any area possible in life, no corruption of any sort or greed, and none of any sin known to mankind since the beginning of time! I hope to get you started on this foundation knowledge, because if you get this concept misunderstood, it is very hard for you to find any answers to any depression or disenchantment with life in general!

      Once you got this down into your central processing unit (CPU), you next need to know that the infinitely impeccable Word of God or Christianity is independent of both sin and its expression! Because God isn’t the author of Sin or its expression (by sinful human beings)! Satan is the one responsible for these! But here’s the most important caveat: God allowed Satan, the author of sin, to remain in this world when he could have destroyed him like totally effortlessly! You ask why? There is no why! Shocking? Yes!!!! You dun question why God decides to be the so called ‘director’ of a ‘play/movie’, he just is, he just always existed before anything or any matter(atoms and molecules) imaginable, and will always exist to infinity!!! God is essentially like a director of a play/movie, except that nobody gets to give Him suggestions and ideas of what the movie or play should turn out to be!!! But God isn’t a dictator like North Korea’s President either!!! How could God be so cruel to allow Satan and sin and its expression to co-exist with the righteous Word of God and all it’s purity, goodness and holiness?!!? Simple: he wants his believers TO CHOOSE HIM AND CHOOSE TO DO AND DEAL RIGHTEOUSLY AND IMPECCABLY, OVER GIVING IN TO ALL SORTS OF TEMPTATIONS OF THE FLESH, WHICH IS FROM SATAN!!! He basically wants to show his believers that Satan(the bad angel) is counterfeit and the things Satan authors like lust and greed are infinitely far away from any good quality, that true goodness lies with God. God wants this whole battle between good and evil, God and the Devil, to play out throughout time and space and time and space is the THEATER IS WHICH EVERYTHING PLAYS OUT!!!!

      Okay back to the point before we stray too far, God’s impeccable word is always independent of the sinful actions exhibited by sinful human beings! Bingo! This is another premise or concept you must admit into your central processing unit (CPU)!

      With these 2 concepts in mind, solutions to your questions abound easily. Yes, Christianity as a religion is of utmost importance despite the shortcomings in the expression of Christianity by sinful human beings who are both Christians and non-christians alike.

      One final example to try to ‘seal the deal’ in your central processing unit (CPU). Just supposing SMRT and LTA somehow has the best(read 100% perfection in every criteria of every kind of reliability or department in rail networking, technology, control and maintenance!) rail technology and engineering throughout time and space, and this fact is a constant always, and the heads of departments, leaders, CEOs, ministers and all those in the top rungs of transport are also 100% impeccable, sinless, righteous people who can make no mistake with anything in transport and out! Once you have these assumptions in mind, and if you can already see that I’m trying to make the analogy between God and his perfect Word in the bible, and that of the perfection with the leaders of SMRT and LTA and all their life’s knowledge combined, then we have to also make the analogy between the sinful human beings(christian and nonchristian) who are trying to express the Christian religion and that of the employees and crew in the lower rungs of LTA and SMRT who are executing smaller and physically strenuous tasks like looking for faults and problems on all MRT tracks every night from 1am to 5am! If these lower rung employees and crew fail to execute properly(read perfectly 100%) with knowledge and finesse the daily maintenance tasks of a completely perfect rail and engineering outfit designed by the perfect LTA and SMRT, did you know that this completely perfect rail and engineering outfit will one day fail? And if daily maintenance tasks were not only poorly executed but extremely poorly executed, then did you know that this so called perfect rail and engineering outfit is going to not only fail once, but ALWAYS fail? Bingo, assuming knowledge and technology of rail is perfect, then the question of why there is failure can only be attributed to imperfect lower rung employees and crew with their imperfect execution of perfect knowledge from perfect leaders!!!!!

      Hope this helps Liz

      1. Gee. Wu. You have good intentions in replying all the comments, but boy are they long. You may want to consider either 1) keeping it more succinct and shorter or 2) keep to just one or two themes. It’s really hard to follow you at times. Or rather most of the time.
        Good intentions if not executed well, normally or usually end up being wasted or lost. Food for thought. Hope you take it positively rather than anything else. Cheers.

    3. Wu says:

      Hi Liz,

      My biggest help for you is to get you to see that God’s word is infinitely infallible and impeccable, and if humans are devoid of sin, then, the EXPRESSION of this infinitely infallible and impeccable word will also be impeccable! That means, no adultery, no disloyalty of any sort in any area possible in life, no corruption of any sort or greed, and none of any sin known to mankind since the beginning of time! I hope to get you started on this foundation knowledge, because if you get this concept misunderstood, it is very hard for you to find any answers to any depression or disenchantment with life in general!

      Once you got this down into your central processing unit (CPU), you next need to know that the infinitely impeccable Word of God or Christianity is independent of both sin and its expression! Because God isn’t the author of Sin or its expression (by sinful human beings)! Satan is the one responsible for these! But here’s the most important caveat: God allowed Satan, the author of sin, to remain in this world when he could have destroyed him like totally effortlessly! You ask why? There is no why! Shocking? Yes!!!! You dun question why God decides to be the so called ‘director’ of a ‘play/movie’, he just is, he just always existed before anything or any matter(atoms and molecules) imaginable, and will always exist to infinity!!! God is essentially like a director of a play/movie, except that nobody gets to give Him suggestions and ideas of what the movie or play should turn out to be!!! But God isn’t a dictator like North Korea’s President either!!! How could God be so cruel to allow Satan and sin and its expression to co-exist with the righteous Word of God and all it’s purity, goodness and holiness?!!? Simple: he wants his believers TO CHOOSE HIM AND CHOOSE TO DO AND DEAL RIGHTEOUSLY AND IMPECCABLY, OVER GIVING IN TO ALL SORTS OF TEMPTATIONS OF THE FLESH, WHICH IS FROM SATAN!!! He basically wants to show his believers that Satan(the bad angel) is counterfeit and the things Satan authors like lust and greed are infinitely far away from any good quality, that true goodness lies with God. God wants this whole battle between good and evil, God and the Devil, to play out throughout time and space and time and space is the THEATER IS WHICH EVERYTHING PLAYS OUT!!!!

      Okay back to the point before we stray too far, God’s impeccable word is always independent of the sinful actions exhibited by sinful human beings! Bingo! This is another premise or concept you must admit into your central processing unit (CPU)!

      With these 2 concepts in mind, solutions to your questions abound easily. Yes, Christianity as a religion is of utmost importance despite the shortcomings in the expression of Christianity by sinful human beings who are both Christians and non-christians alike.

      One final example to try to ‘seal the deal’ in your central processing unit (CPU). Just supposing SMRT and LTA somehow has the best(read 100% perfection in every criteria of every kind of reliability or department in rail networking, technology, control and maintenance!) rail technology and engineering throughout time and space, and this fact is a constant always, and the heads of departments, leaders, CEOs, ministers and all those in the top rungs of transport are also 100% impeccable, sinless, righteous people who can make no mistake with anything in transport and out! Once you have these assumptions in mind, and if you can already see that I’m trying to make the analogy between God and his perfect Word in the bible, and that of the perfection with the leaders of SMRT and LTA and all their life’s knowledge combined, then we have to also make the analogy between the sinful human beings(christian and nonchristian) who are trying to express the Christian religion and that of the employees and crew in the lower rungs of LTA and SMRT who are executing smaller and physically strenuous tasks like looking for faults and problems on all MRT tracks every night from 1am to 5am! If these lower rung employees and crew fail to execute properly(read perfectly 100%) with knowledge and finesse the daily maintenance tasks of a completely perfect rail and engineering outfit designed by the perfect LTA and SMRT, did you know that this completely perfect rail and engineering outfit will one day fail? And if daily maintenance tasks were not only poorly executed but extremely poorly executed, then did you know that this so called perfect rail and engineering outfit is going to not only fail once, but ALWAYS fail? Bingo, assuming knowledge and technology of rail is perfect, then the question of why there is failure can only be attributed to imperfect lower rung employees and crew with their imperfect execution of perfect knowledge from perfect leaders!!!!!

      Hope this helps Liz

    4. Vicky says:

      Dear Liz, I am sorry about your marriage breakup. However I just want to say I know how you feel but at the same time I hope you are not put off by those of us who are called Christians. We still fall short of the glory of God. Perhaps God will draw you close to Him and show you what a true Christian is like. I too have seen cases where I question “is that person a Christian or not” and it saddens me.
      However, as a Christian, it is my relationship with God and how I live my life and treat others that constantly keeps me true to Christ. So maybe one day you will come to Christ and be a better Christian than some out there. God bless you!

  28. Wu says:

    The final answer is here:

    Marrying a christian partner doesn’t guarantee that the marriage will not end in hardship or divorce.

    Marrying a christian does this: increases the probability, by a lot, that your marriage not end in divorce during hardship, and in hardship you have the tools and equipment to handle and solve in a manner that Jesus Christ himself would have done.

    Marrying a christian consequently also does this: increase the probability, by a lot, that you and your spouse have a commitment to tackle sin, to pull out all stops in your goal of living a righteous life as possible.

    Life is a probabilistic journey, though the bible doesn’t speak in probabilistic terms, and everything inside is completely guaranteed 100%, but because of human sin, we have to speak in terms of probability towards those who aren’t Christians, or vulnerable and unknowledgeable Christians! But when advising and speaking to a mature Christian, you obviously dun speak using probability since they would already know the bible inside out and also know that everything inside is totally guaranteed by Christ’s blood on the cross!

    Also to all non-Christians and vulnerable Christians who commented above, please note that we aren’t trying to impose our Christian truths on you. Understand that whatever your belief systems you have now in one way or another were imposed upon you while you are growing up, especially when you were all children from the ages of 2-13, where you couldn’t possibly think much for yourself, and were really dependent on the belief systems of your parents and teachers or anybody whom you might have came across in your life, such as perhaps rockstars, moviestars, whatever character, book, phrase, advertisement! These avenues of information formed the foundation of your belief systems today, which ironically also allowed you to say to yourself and everyone here today that you should be entitled to your own ‘truths’ and that nobody should impose their truths on you! This is completely democratically perfect, but you also need to recognize that in order for you to grow as a person, you need to incorporate new belief systems into your bag, and kick out old ones, and this is not asking any of you non christians or vulnerable christians to only incorporate christians belief systems into your bag with immediate effect, instead this is asking you guys to slow it down and not be too quick to reject something that you know, deep down inside you, MIGHT have some small or large truth contained! This is asking you guys to also keep your minds open for just a moment longer, and not react instinctively and reject anything Christianity related, just because for all your life you have somehow formed the belief system through a series of experiences and exchanges with people or media locally or overseas that the Christian religion is all a load of bullshit, and the bible was comical compilation of ‘logical contradictions’, or that many mafia gangs and crime syndicates have committed crimes invoking the teachings in the bible. Keep holding out longer and wanting to believe that everything negative you have ever heard about in the Christian religion might be false, and that there indeed is beautiful life and logic in bible verses, texts and passages, and that Christianity is a wonderful almost fairytale like religion like none can compare!


    1. nicknamehere says:

      “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.” (Timothy 2:12)

      “If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die.” (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)

      “When a woman has a discharge, if her discharge in her body is blood, she shall continue in her menstrual impurity for seven days; and whoever touches her shall be unclean until evening. Everything also on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean, and everything on which she sits shall be unclean.” (Leviticus 15: 19-20)

      “Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves.” (Numbers 31:17-18)

      I can keep going on, but it’ll flood this post with useless info. It is wonderful and almost fairytale alright, because I can degrade and rape women, stone my disobedient son and act like my wife’s the blob.

      1. Wu says:

        Yes yes yes yes, dear nicknamehere, i heard you, i hear your cries and pains, I hear your disgust at the supposed contradictions and inconsistencies within the bible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        I hear, now, why you probably have some huge misgivings about Christianity, and let me deduce, by your permission, that you therefore aren’t Christian because of all the inconsistencies, contradictions and therefore I supposed for you, hypocrisy in the bible!

        I want you to know, that i already know about all these seeming contradictions and inconsistencies and hypocrisies, and they are just that! They are ****SEEMING**** ONES ONLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        So, dear nicknamehere, let me help you with this:

        One day you receive in your mailbox a letter saying explicitly on the front cover, that you won a million dollars! You believed you won a million, no question, and went to the location to collect your million from a clerk on duty at a local office. Upon arrival, the clerk told you that the million dollars you thought definitely belongs to is conditioned upon the fact that you have to pay sum of money for investment purposes by the local office first, and the million will only be given to you gradually over 20 years!!! You be disgusted at such a different outcome than the one you expected: which is to receive a million on the spot! The clerk then told you, after you scolded her for not mentioning clearly in the mail letter about this matter, that it had been mentioned very clearly in the mail letter in a section called ‘terms and conditions’!!!!! You failed to read this section and naively thought you will get a million on the spot today!!!

        I’m trying to say you cannot read the bible in bits and pieces, texts here, texts there, verses here, verses there. You have to and must read it as 1 whole piece, which means you absolutely need, for a start, dear nicknamehere, to go buy a NKJV bible or whatever version, start reading from first chapter and make it a point to read 5 chapters each day WITH THE INTEND TO UNDERSTAND, THOUGH YOU MAY NOT UNDERSTAND AT FIRST! In 1 year you will complete the bible, do the same thing in the 2nd year, and you also complete the bible another time, then do the same thing in the 3rd year, and perhaps by the end of the 3rd year, you will be the one doing the talking and commenting and advising and helping in this comments section, so that I may retire to rest my energy! Do you get me? There is no secret formula to knowing what I know, or what God wants you to know, it is HARDWORK:READING THE BIBLE IS HARDWORK, my dear friend! In the type of immoral and depraved society we live in today, reading the bible *seems* time consuming, boring, useless, economically unprofitable etc! But that is the point: if you can overcome these problems of your own flesh, God assures in the bible you will gain knowledge and with it the blessings, but it all starts with reading THE BOOK you so abhor, i supposed.

        So i have answered your questions GENERALLY, the reasons why you think there is something wrong with the bible when it seems to endorse incest, genocide and other internal killings, and find women despicable because of their menstrual issues, is because there is something wrong with your understanding/learning of the bible, inasmuch as you need to do EXACTLY LIKE I TELL YOU TO DO ABOVE: READ THE BIBLE COMPLETELY FROM BOOK 1 TO THE LAST 3 TIMES IN 3 YEARS, THEN COME BACK AND LOOK FOR ME AGAIN!

        There is no way for me to tell you this through any other means than to simply just get you to trust me! You also know, already I’m sure, that there is no other way for me to ever get you to come to my side and believe me than simply asking you to trust me!


  29. I says:

    There are a lot of flaws and fallacies in your reasoning, and ridiculous amount of presumptions being made. But then again, we are all entitled to our beliefs, so thank you for sharing about yours.

    1. Wu says:


      I completely understand your point of view. I want you to know i have something in common with you: i once had those views you had too! Being non-christian(assuming that you are non-christian)!

      The problem unbelieving people have is a systematic one. Or rather, an operating system problem. Let me try my best to explain away the problem for you. Ill first show you a logic thread of this world and taught to you by worldly men, and then Ill show you another logic thread not of this world and not by world men(ie. of the bible and God’s philosophy/reasoning), just to show you the differences between worldly(read secular or academic) philosophy/reasoning, and Godly/biblical/Christian one!

      Logic 1)

      All smokers die of cancer.
      All who die of cancer are smokers.

      You and I were taught in reasoning or philosophy class the brilliance of Plato, Aristotle, and other great philosophers of the 18th 19th and 20th century! We were taught to read and see that the first clause isn’t equal to the second clause, that if all smokers die of cancer doesn’t necessarily mean that all who ever died in our world were only smokers. There exist other possibilities: some smokers, though morally reprehensible in their act(sin) of smoking, do survive till a ripe old age and not die of cancer by other more peaceful means. But just in case you think everybody should start smoking just based on this one or a few long-life examples of smokers, think again. As I have written in my below post, life is a journey of probability, and the smoker or few smokers who didn’t die of cancer but peacefully instead were just EXTREMELY FORTUNATE to be on the good side of the probability distribution curve! Understand that you are naive to have not heard that the vast majority(read 80-90 percent) of smokers(WHO stat) have suffered in one way or other some form of cancer, but mostly lung cancer! The same way that in the second clause, there exist possibilities that some who die of cancer were smokers but alcoholics instead, or fans of red and processed meat, or those who have never exercised a single step in their entire lives! Many possibilities/reasons. Okay, the point i’m making here i repeat is this: life is a journey of probability, and worldly men created worldly education systems to educate people like you and I to think in terms of probability, so that is how you and I know that ‘all smokers dun die of cancer’, and ‘ all who die of cancer aren’t necessarily smokers’, in the same way you are applying this rationalization to Cheryl’s reasonings in her post on why christians shouldn’t date non christians! What you are doing can be done by any grown-up, educated adult with a clear sound mind, and you do have a clear sound mind, something i will have to applaud you for! But now, let me explain why this worldly method of rationalizing/reasoning/understanding is ill suited to understanding the bible’s text/principles/logic/passages, and prevent you from even getting yourself anywhere to believing in God/Jesus or becoming a Christian ever! So let’s go to the 2nd logic thread not of this world, not of worldly men, but of Godly philosophy.

      Logic thread 2

      All unbelievers belong in the hell of fiery pit.
      All inhabitants of the hell of fiery pit are unbelievers.

      Looking at the first clause, which happens to be those spoken of explicitly in the bible, you can only be sure, so darn sure, that all unbelievers will end up in hell! No ifs, no buts, no other possibilities/probabilities, basically no alternatives because the clause is not subjective! The clause is absolutely, because the bible speaks every single phrase and word in absolutely terms, and this is something you do not know, or that nobody has ever told you that, that the bible is nothing like any worldly/earthly material or media you have ever experienced. If you used worldly rationalization/reasoning to rationalize the first clause, you would obviously puke outright and be so darn angry to the point of war, which is why religious differences cause the biggest feuds/wars, and in fact, all the great wars of our history have very strong and singular roots in religious differences! Did you know that? The same can be said of the second clause, you are also be absolutely 100% sure that whoever ends up in the hell of fiery pit can only have 1 common identity: unbelievers. No second guesses or exceptions again, unlike how we were taught in academia/business/government/culture/sports etc

      I have only empathy and concern for you, and all unbelievers, for I know that it is one thing for me to explain away from a certain angle, why you and definitely every single other unbeliever could possibly feel so many reasoning/philosophical flaws in the Christian philosophy, but it is another thing for me to actually get you to ditch your worldly belief system, or at least get you to be conscious in the future not to invoke worldly rationalization/reasoning systems when trying to understand Christian philosophy, as the one and only true religion of the universe, and I understand the magnitude and gravity of such a singular and possibly warring/crusading statement I am making here, but also understand that this can concurrently be the most loving/caring/peaceful statement ever, contrary to what society, civic education, and cultural propriety has taught you! Just think about it! For that, there is only 1 entity/person in the world who can get you to not invoke your worldly reasoning systems when reading and understand Christian literature, so that you may gradually come to believe in the one true God of the universe: God Himself.

      “John 15:16
      You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. ”

      Now this is the absolutely verse that says that no unbeliever can wilfully want to believe in God out of sudden after listening to a friend proselytizing or a pastor preaching a sermon, although these people are instruments of the process of getting people to believe, the same way I cannot get you to ditch your worldly reasoning systems and try to view things from the Christian perspective. I am merely a tool(read servant) in getting the message of the gospel out in as simplistic terms as possible.

      So forget everything I wrote here, it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day, because I can’t do nothing. Believing in God is the decision of God because he ‘chooses’ who he wants to bring into Christianity.

      What a waste of my time writing this………

      1. I says:

        Hi Wu,

        Thank you for your comment and… concern. I really feel it.

        You misunderstand me (and it was a huge misunderstanding, seeing as you ended up writing two long comments on something I never started arguing against) so let me clarify – I am not criticising the logic of the religion nor its works, I am targeting the fallacies in the blogger’s post.

        OP: “its [sic] played out in how you spend your time, money, what you teach your future children, how you deal with hardship… Eventually, marrying a non-Christian means a lifetime of split loyalties, and a severe endangerment of your relationship with God.”

        That, ladies and gentlemen, is the epitome of “that escalated quickly”. It’s almost like that meme going around linking together one outcome to another to reach a conclusion that “if you lose your pen, you will die”.

        And while I do agree that faith has a role in shaping one’s worldview, I thoroughly disagree that people can’t have the same views just because they are of different faiths. There are other things that affect the way we say or do things too, like where we are brought up, and what we learn from our parents and teachers. Unless you are imagining that non-believers would teach their children to murder and to burn bibles, I think that statement is a pretty far stretch. Religion sometimes serves as a guide to values and morality, but it is in no way the only route to it.

        OP: “2. It is never “just dating””

        … and the point is? Is this something that is supposed to be unique to Christians? Do all non-Christians strongly believe in “just dating”? What’s more worrying than the content of this piece is the tone in which it has been penned. It speaks volumes of intolerance in culture, faith, and belief systems. Of dispensing wisdom from some moral high ground, and implicitly placing judgment on those who do not prescribe to the same views as she does – “if your answer is no, then you might have to ask if you are really a Christian at all.”

        And for yourself my dear pastor-in-a-pot,

        “just because for all your life you have somehow formed the belief system through a series of experiences and exchanges with people or media locally or overseas that the Christian religion is all a load of bullshit, and the bible was comical compilation of ‘logical contradictions’, or that many mafia gangs and crime syndicates have committed crimes invoking the teachings in the bible”

        … I don’t know where this came from, but it certainly did not come from my mouth. You and the original poster have something similar in the sense that you assume things of other people before they’ve even had a chance to speak for themselves.

        Many other points, but I shan’t go on because, as I quote you, “What a waste of my time writing this………”.

      2. Wu says:

        Hi I,

        I will need precious information about whether you are a first and foremost a christian, failing which, I will be speaking like a poorly aimed weaponry, always unable to find the target: your lifetime system of beliefs encapsulated in your mind. If you can help me…………….

        Ok let’s see:

        In Christianity and it’s perfect philosophy, you are demanded to be either all in, or if anything else all out, no subjectivity or 50/50 sitting on the fence, not even 99/1. You would be shocked that a 99 percent follower of Christ/God and 1 percent occasional non-follower(perhaps like occasional womanizer) of Christ/God isn’t good enough for Christ/God, but good enough for you and me and men in general! And this because of the limitations of our flesh—a severe handicap and weakness! Understand that God demands total commitment and resoluteness to obeying his word and disciplining one’s flesh in general in all aspects of life, like a 100 percent, but we lousy Christians are able to get by with 99 percent, 98, 97, and sometimes 1 percent(can you believe it?) in very rare cases, and only because God is MERCIFUL(read willing to forgive) and gracious(read willing to look over the shoulder for any sin/fault!). You would think it is completely mind boggling a 1 percent follower of Christ/God could still be a Christian, but who is to say this cannot happen, because ultimately God judges who to give entry to paradise, but you can be sure of one thing and one thing only: the likelihood or probability that a 1 percent follower of Christ/God even resembles any form of a Christian believer so as to gain entry to paradise is so darn extremely low. Perhaps 0.00000001 percent chance, like the chance of being strike by lightning? And precisely because a true Christian believer shouldn’t be hanging around the vicinity of only a 1 percent expression of a working Christianity, it flies in the direction of the expression of Christian faith through equally faithful and righteous works—words, actions, decisions! But back to the point I was making: despite the appearance of a very merciful and gracious God who is MORE THAN WILLING to accept less than 100% Christian standards, this is independent of the fact that God and his bible wants every single Christian to STRIVE FOR 100 PERCENT, SEALED WITH THE RESPECTIVE LOVE FOR GOD, even if 100 percent is a pipe dream, because simply God Himself is 100%, the bible is 100% perfection in knowledge, ethics, morals, science, history and many more secular themes!

        So your question to why Cheryl says that “religion is the only route to morals/ethics and other virtuous values”, I will need to tighten the standard and rebuke(if your a Christian) that in fact “christianity is the only route to morals/ethics and other virtuous values”. Again, i understand the magnitude and gravity of such a seemingly warring or hostile statement, with regards to other religions, but I need you and every other non believer to also see that this statement can simultaneously be the most loving/caring/generous/giving/peaceful statement of all time and space, because it is faithful at the same time! It simply is a matter of whether you want to see it as an edifying statement or not, and that everybody, Christian and non Christian alike have the full capacity and potential to see it, educated or not, because every single human being that is and was were all created in the IMAGE/LIKENESS OF GOD!

        You also asked why can’t people of different faiths have the same views? That seems very tempting to rationalize if we rationalize it using worldly educated methods and views, from the classroom, office, stock market, wall street, international relations, economics, sociology, psychology or whatever secular theme or entity. But Christian philosophy is not from or of the world, it’s nature transcends time and space, which is why it can never be outdated(for folks who talk about outdatedness) or lose relevance, because it is the only constant in a constantly changing political, economic, social, cultural, academic, sexual world!!! If you and I can be sure of one thing is this: there is nothing that doesn’t change in either quality or quantity that is from this world!!! Back to the point, we have to rationalize Christian philosophy from only 1 source and only 1: from faith!!! You can never do this rationalization if you do it from academia, or whatever secular theme/entity, only from faith. It’s written on the wall, it must be from faith. I, actually God in his revelations in the bible, couldn’t have said it any clearer!!! Let me give you this example: if there are 2 billionaires rich beyond their dreams, but one reap his gains from being a Mexican druglord like ‘El Chapo'(billionaire), and another reap his gains from environmentally friendly agricultural methods! Both are rich, both have the same view of the vast reserves of money, but both have different sources/roots of wealth, so they also MUST HAVE SO CALLED DIFFERENT FAITHS! The source is all that matters, nothing else. Another example, 2 students got full marks for a physics examination, one copied her way to perfection, the other worked her sweat and blood out over 6 years of highschool education, they both have the same view of a perfect score, but completely different faiths. This necessitates that one of the faiths in both the examples is ‘wrong’ by morality/virtue/ethics, and the other is ‘right’. The battle of Good and Evil always mediates any human event or theme in this world! There can only be one right answer with regards to the Christian philosophy: the Christian philosophy!!! And so the answer to your question is that if they exist a few people with the same views but different faiths, by Christian philosophy and if one of those faiths is of Christianity, then there is only 1 correct answer or correct view, so to speak: the Christian one.

        All in, or all out! I got no time to refute the rest of your points, maybe later……

  30. Mervin says:

    Wow… the amount of unkind words being directed at Cheryl is amazing. I hope none of them came from Christians. So far I have not read anyone using Scripture to refute Cheryl’s position. Maybe they are not able to and therefore have to resort to emotional and unkind words? Says a lot really…

  31. Sara Heng says:

    Your views are narrow and hypocritical. Also the reason why us Christians are viewed so negatively these days. Please stop acting like you’re so wise because of your bigoted views.

  32. sheena :) says:

    I just wanted encourage you because I had exactly the same experience as you did. I dated the perfect guy, in every sense except that he was not Christian. I thought I could deal with it but as time went by I realized I drew further away from God and started compromising on many things that were important to me. When I broke it off, he didn’t understand. It was difficult for me too, and took me more than a year to heal but I’ve never felt more at peace with my decision.

    I am also 28 this year and still single. I also get similar comments from my friends with good intentions. And I echo all your sentiments exactly. A marriage sanctified by God will be one where as couple, you can do greater things for Him than as two individuals.

    We serve an amazing God who loves us so much and will give us only the best, so we don’t need to worry or try to take things into our own hands. I pray that He will send you a man who loves God more than anything else in the world (even you).

    Take care dear! God bless you :)

    1. cherylenyi says:

      Hey Sheena, thank you for your sharing and encouragement! Really appreciate it :)

  33. Gracia says:

    1. You believe in completely, absolutely different things

    Absolutely agree. Which is why I’d never go out with a religious person.

    1. Haera says:

      HAHHAHA OMG MY EXACT THOUGHTS. and reading the comments just made me more certain about this.

    2. S says:

      I’m atheist and dating a religious person and it couldn’t be going better. We respect each other’s beliefs and have frank discussions about them. The important thing is that we have the same core values that transcend religion. I even enjoy learning about his faith in a philosophical and intellectual capacity. But I draw the line at anyone who tries to convert me. Fortunately not all believers of religions allow their faith to take such importance that “agree to disagree” is not an option. And some believers have a more open mind. *phew* :)

  34. Dedicated Christian says:

    Dear Cheryl,

    You are taking things too literally from the Bible.
    Don’t be so foolish to let the Bible dictate your life. It is so meaningless if everyone lived the same way by letting the Bible predict and dictate our lives.
    The Bible has many good values to learn from but that doesn’t mean you should take every sentence in the Bible literally.

    People in the past see less of the world, they don’t have the internet, they don’t have the knowledge that we have access to. The Bible is written with those minds and expressions of theirs which is relatively outdated and exaggerated in some ways.

    So please, Cheryl, wake up your idea and live your life. Don’t let a book dictate your life. It’s the 21st century, please, the book was written when man was gullible and naive, I believe you are wise and knowledgeable enough to snap out of it.

    God Bless

    1. y says:

      Hi, I feel baffled that you could call yourself a dedicated christian, yet not believe that the bible is a reliable and complete.
      I suggest you do some research before deciding that the bible is just something written by “gullible and naive” men. If you do, I’m sure that you’ll find that the bible is archeologically and historically sound
      I believe that you don’t take everything in the bible literally, but also that you don’t discount what is written in the bible.
      I have many ways of refuting everything you have said, but above all I feel really sad that the bible is just a book to you. It is much more than that.

    2. Vicky says:

      Dear dedicated Christian, I cannot comprehend your professing to be a dedicated Christian and at the same time saying those things you just did about the Bible. It seems to be that you do not take God’s word seriously . It also appears that you are succumbing to the wisdom of man and not abiding in the wisdom of God.
      I think Cheryl is advocating that Christians should date Christians, and not that they cannot or must not. It is a personal choice based on how close you are listening to God in your life.

    3. alanagj says:

      2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is God- breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness”

      Dear Dedicated Christian, every word of GOD in the Bible is full of power. Everything was spoken and added for a specific meaning and for the sole purpose to show us, guide us and speak to us. It is annointed, it is powerful, it is the truth. Our own humanly understanding and thinking is futile. We are crafted. But His words are where all the Power is. So I would just like to ask if you are leaning on the word of God or leaning on your own understanding? We can never save ourselves through our own actions and deed but it is all by God’s word and work that we are saved and loved. Therefore I really have to disagree that the Holy Bible is regarded as a “book”. If you regard it as a book, it will be as a book. But if you regard it as love messages from God, you will get to experience all that God has in store for you. I pray that your faith is placed wholly on the Almighty One and not on half of here and there. Our ways are never higher than His ways, not to even come close. His ways are higher and holds utmost power.

      Lean on every word or God, even by declaring the words and you WILL experience His power. :) God Bless.


      1. nicknamehere says:

        “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
        So, submit to your husband. No questions asked.

        “Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.”
        (2 Kings 2:23-25)
        Kill your bullies.

        This is what the Lord Almighty says… ‘Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’” (1 Samuel 15:3)
        Commit genocide.

  35. Born Again says:

    Hi Cheryl,
    I’m something like ” the perfect guy,someone who, besides not being a Christian, was more or less perfect for ”

    Like what you describe, my girlfriend and I have many things in common the only thing that struck us and major difference was, that I was anti-Christianity and she was a pastor’s daughter. However unlike what happened to you, we tried and fast forward a few years, I am now a Christian and believe wholly in Jesus.

    Long story short, my girlfriend prayed fervently for me that one day Jesus will touch my heart and He did. For her, it was a miracle, for my friends, it was totally baffling. For me, it was the 2 best thing that happened to me in my life. We made it and like all relationship, its never easy, but we never gave up. Since you quoted Corinthians, I’d also like to point to this verse;

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is PATIENT, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not SELF-SEEKING, it is not.

    For me, the question should not be, why you shouldn’t date a non Christian. But it should be, how can you spread the good news to your loved ones. It, is by never giving up, always praying, have the utmost faith in God, and trust that he CAN. For it is HIM that all wisdom come from.

    Cheryl, my message for you is this, “Don’t limit what God can do and don’t limit yourself by what you think a Christian should be like, it isn’t definitive and everyday we learn new things and gain new wisdom. God can definitely use anyone to bring more people to his kingdom and you especially are in a privileged position being a girlfriend who loves a non-christian.”

    As a Christian, we should be a testimony for God, and if you really loved that guy. PRAY!

    You said in your post we should be more like Jesus, so I have this to leave you with.

    Matthew 18:12-14

    Parable of the Lost Sheep
    12 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? 13 And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! 14 In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish.

    I was the lost sheep and so could your ex bf or any future non christian friends/boyfriend you might encounter may be, i’d say be steadfast in you belief and pray! But just don’t give up!

    Shalom Cheryl.

    1. Wu says:

      Hi born again,

      You need to becareful what you have told Cheryl, as in, you need to be even more clear, like so damn totally clear about what you mean by allowing a christian permission to date a non christian in the hope that through fervant prayer the conversion will actually happen!

      I feel you need to add this statement here:

      Praying for somebody you love to be a christian, MUST BE INDEPENDENT OF ANY ATTRACTIVE FEELINGS OR DESIRES YOU HAVE FOR HIM/HER! Because God looks at the heart, your number one attraction during prayer must be for God, the love for God, then love for your partner! You phrased it in such a way that it sounded like prayers can be selfish, and that you could pray a nonchristian lover into christianity, but if it’s a non christian beggar on the street, you could totally ignore that! Of course the nonchrisian lover holds a higher hierarchy than the beggar, but both ultimately still lower than God.

      To be completely biblical though, you cannot even go out with your potential suitor at all, or have any direction interactions until he or she is confirmed Christian, which means all interaction you can have with him or her is through third party coordination until the day of confirmation of Christian, this is to prevent sexual feelings/desires/attractions of the opposite sex to sway any nonchristian into christianity, thereby sinning by idolatory. I know this is very hard to achieve, that is why you can also say that it is virtually impossible, or extremely rare to find anybody in the 21st century who truly ever loves God with all his heart, all his might and all his strength! I want you to know that your interaction with your girlfriend isn’t completely 100% Godly, and mercy and grace by God was on your side, so to speak, as with all events in our human world these days! By grace, and mercy, even when you are not 100% he pulls something through because he truly loves you!

      So i repeat, the right way to court a non christian partner is not even to court him/her in the first place, to assess him/her from a far distance through 3rd party help, so that sexual/phyical/emotional attraction do not SABOTAGE the process of believing in God because of real love for Him!!

  36. Sam says:

    Thank you for this timely reminder. I’ve struggled with this myself. But with the experience, I honestly say that there are way too many opposing beliefs that would stumble your faith, if you continue to date a non-christian. Realistic believes like chasity and tithing etc are hard to grasps for non-christians.

    I think many who get offended with this post missed the point. It’s not about seeing ourselves as Holy, or a higher status than non-christians. (In fact, I’ve dated non-christians who are better at romance and chivalry than christian guys.) But more so, to live in a life that would deem honourable to the God we believe in. Marraige in the christian context is to be ordained by God. I’ve heard of this analogy, that you should fix your eyes and run towards the cross. While doing that, look beside at who is running along with you towards christ. Those are the people you’d want to date as christians.

    Sure it sounds geeky and uncool. But a man who knows the love taught by God himself, would love you correctly. Christ had shown the greatest romance, of dying for our sins. I dont think we should short-change God.

    Thank you for this once again!

  37. thomastay says:

    Hi Cheryl, my exact sentiments. :)

  38. _ says:

    I think the most important thing, and to avoid miscommunication and misunderstandings, is understanding that Godly relationships are not a thing that is ‘just between two people’, but rather a binding of two people with God in the centre. If you look at it this way, then it is clear why a Godly relationship needs to be between two Christians (from the beginning or eventually).

  39. christian says:

    what you think, if i tel him about jesus and about the 1st importance to god and eternal life ending together and guy is ready to accept god and be a good christian who goes church regularly and get baptized and get married after 5 6 yrs of him being a christian. is that good or still not the thing that god will like?

  40. Leon says:

    Hey there, I am a non-christian and I feel that at the end of the day, it wouldn’t work out anyways if both parties have beliefs and values in life that are so differing. Personal experience has taught me that, and I believe Cheryl is speaking on her own accounts as well. So, the burn is real here but yeah, lighten up guys. It’s just a blog post.

  41. Eunice says:

    All I have to say is that I’m glad to have had the chance to read your article, I agree with what you’re saying and I would like to encourage you to persevere as we run this race!

    Don’t be pressured by all the negative comments (:

  42. shirley ong says:

    Hello Cheryl,

    I chanced upon your blog through a friend’s sharing. I pray for wisdom and sensitivity in your words especially when this is an open platform for everyone. I agree with what you shared, but I do not agree with the way you are sharing this.

  43. suwandyt says:

    Dear @cherylenyi,

    Thank you for posting an honest post and I believe that you are sincere in what you have written.

    Without trying to discredit your experience and your personal belief, I do have concerns about what you have written above. I absolutely respect your personal decision of no longer dating those who you define as “non-Christians”. Not being in your experience, I am in no position to say to you whether you are right or wrong. By the same token, also, I believe that nobody is entitled whatsoever to stop their brother or sister from dating a good, honest, and mature person just because they aren’t yet Christian.

    My concerns, however is that I am afraid you may have interpreted the original intention of the verse in 2 Corinthians 6:14 incorrectly. Or maybe you have heard an erroneous teaching that led you to believe in such interpretation.

    Here’s the verse again:
    Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? – 2 Corinthians 6:14

    The verse you used here, has been used way too often to admonish someone who is in a ‘light and dark’ relationship.

    Misunderstanding, misquoting, and misuse of this verse is, in my opinion, one of the greatest reasons why a lot of Christians became judgemental and why the gospel isn’t spreading as wide as it should be.

    I am a student of the Bible, although by no means a Bible scholar nor an expert in Biblical studies. However, I find problem in the overly simplistic interpretation to be focused just on a boy and girl relationship. Or, according to many preachers, dating between “Christians” and “non-Christians”. This way of interpretation suggest that there is no way of believers and non-believers to be in any kind of close friendship / relationship (as you suggested earlier).

    Think about it, how are we supposed to love our “neighbours” if we aren’t even willing to foster a close relationship with these “unbelievers”? Isn’t it ironic, for a Christian to show love to a neighbour, and when the neighbour comes closer, for the Christian to then pull away in order to avoid being “yoked” with unbelievers?

    Let’s take this one step further. If such interpretation is true, how about the thousands of couples where only the husband or the wife is already a believer?

    Aren’t we suggesting then, that God wants such couples to be divorced, because they shouldn’t be “yoked” with unbelievers? If that’s true, then we aren’t practicing the true love of Jesus. Remember, Jesus said that it is easy to love those who is good to you. True love is to show love even when they are not.

    Going even further, what about children whose parents are unbelievers? Again, this kind of interpretation means, to cut all ties with your parents, which, also is conflicting with the command to love.

    Please don’t get me wrong. I am currently engaged to a beautiful Christ-loving woman. Personally, I chose to date and get married to someone who is in Christ for some of the reasons you have given above. We love each other and we thank God for our relationship.

    Let me stop here and leave you with a thought: “Perhaps the Holy Spirit, in guiding Paul writing his letters, meant for the verse to be so much more than just used to point fingers at Christians who are dating non-Christian?” If so, what is it, would you be willing to challenge your initial belief about this verse (metanoia) and let God really lead you? I pray that you shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free.

  44. ChampioErn says:

    I feel that it takes one to know another.

    Before anyone comes to know Christ personally it will be difficult for them to understand why.

    So Thank You for mustering up your courage and posting this post!

    I’m sure it will be of great help to other single Christians out there that is sitting on the fence contemplating if they should date a non-Christian.

  45. Darryl Wang says:

    Hello Cheryl,

    Just stumbled on this article and I agree with what you say. It’s the same situation with me as well (really must be christian ah?!?!), except that I’m a bit older than you.

    At the end of the day, dating a non christian means that eventually, something has got to give. The only question is who.


  46. Joiee_ says:

    Well done Cheryl, for sharing this publicity. I am sure your struggles are real and it is not easy. But you know what? I am very encouraged by your honest sharing. Let us not forget one of the core mission as believer is to be salt and light :)

    “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.

    You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” ( Matthew 5:13-16)

    Focus on speaking the truth and nothing else but the truth! :)


    1. Joiee says:

      publicly *

  47. Bert says:

    agreed, never understood christians who deviated from this, it’s a ticking time bomb

  48. alanagj says:

    Hi Cheryl,

    I just want to say that I just couldn’t agree more with what you said. I too have dated a non-christian and though things were okay at first but things became absolutely terrible in the end. It turned out to be horrible and fall short of the life God would want me to have. And although I also came to find out that dating a fellow Christian also may not mean that the other party is suitable as the strength of their beliefs and ideas may still differ (based on personal experience). BUT, indeed like what you said, it has to start with God. Meaning that both individuals have to be Christians because that is the only way to aim for a Christ-centered relationship which is so important.

    I cannot imagine living my life, married to someone whom I will spend my life with but unable to talk about God, or nurture each other with the Word which has ALL the power and not earthly encouragements that are powerless. To me that’s the centre of my life so I know that thats what I want. Similarly, I would want my partner to also bring me closer to God because after all, its always a mutual thing esp when we have our ups and downs. And indeed, I am also waiting for the one whom God will bless me with and yes, looks and superficial factors always has its pull but really, they fade and aren’t eternal. Its the soul that really matters. It just boils down to how important God is to me.

    Don’t let any negative comments by others to get you down. Stand firm and stand strong! Keep going with this stand of yours! I believe that the mixed view are due to many factors and also the strength of individual Christianity beliefs.

    The point on bringing a partner to Church and convert him/her is a superb idea and I do believe it can work and I have seen how it has worked. But also there’s the point of, what if it doesn’t work? Therefore I came to the conclusion that the most important of all is to commit everything to the Lord, because He knows it all. If the Lord wants us to lead our pre-believing partner to Christ, He will make it work and happen. If He has other plans, so shall we follow His divine plan. Plans never to harm us but to give us a hope and future.

    Thank you Cheryl for penning this down and it totally reflects my stand in this and I believe will offer insights and encouragement to other fellow believers. To the others, please commit everything in Prayer and God will lead you with his loving hands. :)

    Keep going! :)


    1. Vicky says:

      Well said, Alan. I agree with you on your many pointers about this.

  49. tappingrain says:

    Life, the world and the universe is big beyond your imagination. Why would you choose to experience life through a pinhole?

    1. Wu says:

      I have a proportional question for you dear tappingrain:

      Why can’t you live outside earth’s confines, and live in another galaxy or in another planet. The universe is so big, why on earth are you on earth? Because the confines of the earth protects you from the harsh physical circumstances outside of it!!!

      The same way leading a very narrow and small pinhole-like life that has specific rules, ethics, morals, commandments also protects you from corrupting your thoughts, actions, words, so that the possibility of perhaps you bringing untold anguish to yourself and the people around you is very negligible! Do you know how painful the suffering of a gambling addict, of how much they want to come out of the addiction but find themselves spiritually unable?!! Do you know how much as a simple thought of lust for the opposite sex outside marriage can end in complete emotional and mental breakdown?

      Your statement is extremely deceptive, and I have to cast light upon it, and show everybody, nonchristians and christians alike, the illusion with such a seemingly popular and reasonable statement. Did you know the tongue is the sharpest weapon in the entire universe??!!?! The words and statements you make possess power and energy beyond the entire amount of energy in the entire universe, so that when a unaware teenager chances upon your statement right now, he or she is completely swayed so that it becomes part of his/her belief/truth system.

      Your pinhole statement is not completely 100% useless though. It can be applied in various other circumstances, but not right now, in matters of the FAITH of christians and the absolute morals that they must be aware of and try to hold!!! You didn’t know how to make the distinction for the circumstances of your pinhole statement, so that is why I am intervening to reveal to you hopefully more than you already know.

      This is how the pinhole statement can be applied: instead of being stubborn as a mule and not give up your MRT RESERVE SEAT to an old lady, just because you subscribe to a narrow PINHOLE worldview that places your needs selfishly above those of even the weakest and most frail human beings on earth, you should expand your pinhole and see that life is so much more than yourself, there are so many more human beings with more critical needs than you do, the earth is so freaking big!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Bingo, dear trappingrain, you be careful what you write, you be aware of the amount of power your words possess, you better!!!!!!! Dun give me or anybody one sentence or 2 replies that seems to buy you credibility, break the logic like I have broken it down for you, and let us compare what you have to offer……………..


    2. Wu says:

      Also, dear trappingrain,

      Tell us first and foremost your allegiance, whether christian or not, and if you have a denomination, say that one too!

      Also, dun give us one or two sentence replies like what Kenneth above has done to me, if you can scroll up and read the exchange between me and him! Show me some meaty logic, since nonchristians(if your one) love to quickly conclude that Christians have absolutely zero logical thought process!!!

      I”m ready for you and to help you………………..just as I have done for Kenneth above!

      1. Kenneth Lee says:

        I recommend that Tappingrain does not engage further with Wu, for there will be no helping this situation, nor agreement on this issue.

    3. Wu says:


      That seems to be the most convenient and time-saving method to do: not engage with me. Did you not want to engage with me anymore because you find that you couldn’t handle all the logical outcomes of your supposed very own logical beliefs/truths? In my latest post to you above on moral relativism, there was no talk of God or Christianity when I was trying to show you how nauseating moral relativism’s outcome would be. I was using the very term you want me to use: secular logical deduction. Did I use it succesfully against you? If I haven’t, why would you not even try to contend with my points except you find it beyond reproach!!! If your the lawyer I thought you would be, then this is not how you operate in an imaginary court case, and submit without a fight the charges unless you were beyond overwhelmed with your culpability so as to resign to defeat!

      You claim ‘there is no way to talk about this logically’ but I have done almost exactly that in my latest post to you, hopefully on your terms!

      Why is it you dare not contend with me, when I am a nobody of no reputation in either Christianity, law, business or government. I am not even a pastor, though I know that it has been commented in these comments that I speak like one! But you, dear Kenneth, dare to contend in fact with Cheryl and maybe a few other supposed Christian commentators! Did you think just because Cheryl didn’t know as well as I do, the nuances of argument/debate and/or secular logic at the same instant that I am also a Christian and a defender of the Faith, and she didn’t appear to also write/speak as well as I can do, whether logically or illogically, that you can be given to think you are able to ‘overpower’ her statements/opinions made as a result of her Christian faith, but not mine??!?!! If you wanna engage, dear Kenneth, you engage equally everybody, not simply choosing the relatively ‘weaker’ proponents of the Christian faith, by how I have defined ‘weaker’ in the preceding statement.

      Did you know that if you continue not to give your input on any matter we have discussed, it is only going to be a one-sided discussion/debate that will give everybody the appearance that you have thrown in the towel and accept your indiscretion?!?

      If you wanna start, I require that you BACK UP what you say with hardcore examples, either real-life/historical ones, or imaginary but plausible ones. Do not, like what tappingrain and you also have done, throw 1-2 liners that sound very tempting to all the potential buyers considering its price here!

      I want to do logic like you say, to show you hopefully if I am able, that in every single circumstance/example/statement you might come up with, the logic can be turned upon you and shown to be an outlaw by the eternal Light of the Word of God that exposes half-truths according to an absolute moral and ethical standard, by shining on dark or grey areas of morals and ethics, thus also revealing the TRUTH.

      Dun bully the ‘weak’, bully me.

      1. Kenneth Lee says:

        I’m amazed at the siege mentality, and how you decided that not engaging means I am afraid of something. I have, so far, spoken in reasonable, clear language with you. Unfortunately, you seem to have no understanding of what I am saying, or how I am approaching this (which is with care and reason). I reply with you, and yet you accuse me of not contending with you. My advice to Tappingrain was to not engage with you, because my experience with you has not been productive.

        I sit here and read your long replies to so many different people, and then actually do speak to you about things. The response I get, is however, lacking.

        If you want to know: There is actually a slippery slope argument when you talk about moral absolutism in the marriage issue. There is also a false dilemma fallacy, that is to say that there are 2 choices presented:
        – Man marries Woman.
        This is good. This should be the way. It is good and right
        – Man marries man/animals
        It will become mainstream. It is disgusting and wrong. We got to stop them

        You ignored the fact that there is a third option:
        – Whether man marries woman, man, animals.
        We do not stop or encourage. It simply is.

        And yet you simply refuse to listen. Or did you miss my entire response to you?

      2. Wu says:

        No kenneth, I heard you loud and clear.

        As a Christian studying the bible, there is no false dilemma fallacy clause enclosed. The bible says, there is only good and evil, dear Kenneth, there is no third clause saying that there exist a halfway house of half good and half evil, or that things or events simply are what they are, categorical NO! This is moral absolutism, good or evil only, and the slippery slope moral absolutism results as a result of sin only. A true christian cannot give in to such a slippery slope and accept gradual declines in ethics and morals, the way you seem to support I suppose. The bible doesn’t use the term ‘slippery slope’, but as a student of the bible, read holistically from book 1 to the final book, God forewarns us in every corner of scripture possible, that sin and temptation is so great as to cause people to go down a slippery slope from absolute moral standards!

        Maybe you need to read the bible in his singularity only for 1 full year, and not give yourself to reading zen, taoist, or whatever nonchristian literature. This is my solution for you, dumb as it may sound to you! Trust me when I say this, for no other way by reason that will resonate with you, honestly you cannot be reading the bible and concurrently also reading every other religious nonchristian book on the planet and expect to come to know more about Christianity only!

        I imagine how hard it must be for you to fathom any sense in what i say, but Christianity is the unification of logic that glorifies the Truth of God’s word. Logic doesn’t exist by itself, that would be secular logic and nonchristian or nonbiblical. Logic must exist to glorify God’s truth and bring his message of love and faith to the whole world through the gospel.

        I”ve been through your phase of life Kenneth, experiencing through academia and corporate work worldly and secular thought processes once imbued by worldly men and their achievements. But these kenneth, are completely, without malice to you, incompatible with the philosophy of God, if theses processes aren’t used by faith to glorify and spread his Truth.

        Think about it

        1. Kenneth Lee says:

          Okay. Thank you for your point of view then.
          There really isn’t anything left for us to discuss at this point, since that “not give yourself to reading zen, taoist, or whatever nonchristian literature” really the only way you have mentioned.

      3. Wu says:

        Alright. May God bless you!

  50. Tom says:

    Such nonsense

  51. Liangwei says:

    As a Christian, I have a perspective to share. We could read this article in light of the Revelation book in the bible. This book is God’s Word about the outcome of this world. When living in these Last Days, I quote “Here is a call for the endurance of the saints (Christians), those who keep the commandments of God and their faith in Jesus”. (Revelations 14:12). Also, this is said of the Day, we should expect that “The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he shall reign forever and ever.” (Revelations 11:15).

    Therefore, marriage to one another, is to be understood with this perspective: that Christians are to persevere in faith, keeping their eyes on Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. When Jesus returns to judge, we want to ready to say to Him, “yes, I am justified for my sins because of Jesus. I have run the race, resisted the temptations of the devil, suffered, humbled myself under the mighty hand of God and entrusted my soul to a faithful Creator.” We should prioritize our faith in Christ and be cautious of things that could make us reject Christ as Lord on our deathbeds. For example, if we set our eyes on marriage as the end, and risk our personal faith in Christ, we are not ‘looking’ at the real final goal of eternal life with Jesus.
    Hence, as a Christian guy, I look forward to marrying a Christian girl to serve and build her up to this final goal. (Ephesians 5:25-29)

    1. Joiee_ says:

      Cheers to this paradigm perspective. Not many are blessed with the wisdom or would ask for such understanding from God.

  52. nicknamehere says:

    You have a terribly warped view on what Christianity is. If you’re going to quote bible verses and judge others instead of just trying to be a decent person, here’s a verse for you. “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. 1 Timothy 2:12” So no, you’re not always right and you’re in no position to condemn others to the confines of your beliefs.

    1. Kenneth Lee says:

      The amount of burn here….

    2. Andrew says:

      We must be careful to check the context of the bible verses we quote. 1 Tim 2 is taken in context of a church service, where women should be quiet so that they do not disrupt the service.

      However, this is her personal blog and she is free to share her thoughts

      1. nicknamehere says:

        And you’re ok with such a chauvinistic stance? Good for you.

    3. Theo Lee says:

      Hi nicknamehere, Cheryl is entitled to write what she believes on her blog, and she has not pointed a finger at anyone nor judged anyone. Everyone, including yourself, has a worldview as to what constitutes right or wrong or acceptable behaviour. Are not you trying to judge her and insist that she abide by your standards/beliefs by claiming that she has a “terribly warped view”, that the most important thing for her to do is to “just try to be a decent person”, and that she has a “chauvinistic stance”?

      1. Hey, we’re all hypocritical, at least I’m not pretending I’m not. She is. And back to the verse at hand. Is it not chauvinistic?

    4. Gary heng says:

      There’s nothing warped and she’s not simply quoting some verses to ‘condemn’ others. In the same way, how do you know if she’s living a decent life or not?

      Also, Bible has standard interpretation. Exegesis and hermeneutics are tools for you to come to a sound interpretation.

      1. Kenneth Lee says:

        “Also, Bible has standard interpretation. Exegesis and hermeneutics are tools for you to come to a sound interpretation.”
        A sound interpretation – only within your worldview, which is limited, and untrue to an entire spectrum of other humans.
        Again, what Cheryl is doing is talking about other people like they’ve done something wrong, when in actual fact, it’s simply her opinion.
        She’s made a mistake here.

      2. nicknamehere says:

        Fine Gary, seeing things from a judgemental point of view is living a decent life. I will pray for her to see the light when her future spouse whom she is madly in love with asks her to be an atheist and expects that from her. Sad to say, until she learns unconditional love, and that goes for all of you wishing to convert your future spouses, you’re only limited to conditional love, and will never know true love. And don’t even begin with “If he really loves her she will accept her for who she is”. She lost that right a long time ago by not showing the same respect to others. Unless if she’s a hypocrite.

    5. I read the comment about “not knowing what true love is”

      To us Christians, true love is, when Christ died on the cross for us, so naturally, True love for us will be loving God FIRST whole-heartedly, unconditionally. Any other form of human love should be placed BELOW God

      1. nicknamehere says:

        Then she’s not entitled to unconditional love from her partner, nor does she have the right to ask that of him.

      2. Kenneth Lee says:

        I think this is fundamentally the problem here, that whenever there is a discussion about things like this, it becomes a discussion about “based on the Bible”. It is very religio-centric, which is the reason people are taking issue with this post in the first place.

  53. Totally disagree. Indirectly saying dating a non-Christian is wrong. So I can’t date a non-Christian and then convert the person? There are so many people that get converted through RCIA and are living happily now with their spouses, being involved with the Church activities. ‘Is not matter of just going to different places on Sunday’, – again indirectly implying if you are non-Christian, you know where you are going after life. Remember this, no one is saved because only God will judge us when our time has come.

    1. cherylenyi says:

      These are my views based on what I read and see from the Bible. I’m not saying its not possible to “convert” someone after marrying them, I’m saying its not wise to even marry a non-Christian, based on the reasons stated above. If you disagree, fine, but to say that “no one is saved because only God will judge us when our time has come” is to entirely disregard what the bible says about us being saved if we believe in Jesus.

      If your views are contrary to standard (or biblical Christianity), then obviously you wouldn’t agree with what I’m saying here.

      1. priesthead says:

        Absolutely agree with what you said. Hence, I too am careful looking for a partner. Good to see that you did not fall into social pressure and worldly thinking.

        Sometimes, its hard for ppl to accept the truth, but, truth is truth. Even though is kind of harsh. But it is the truth. So stay strong..

      2. Kenneth Lee says:

        It is good to be careful in looking for a partner, it is not good to tell people that your truth is theirs.
        It isn’t.

      3. untunechris says:

        thank you cheryl! this is so insightful! I pray that God will continue to strengthen your heart, allowing you to grow closer to him, each and every day 😊 have a blessed day!

      4. ant says:

        You do realise that the concept of “unequally” yoked also applies to uneven level of spirituality between two “christians”, and quite possibly between two different denominations? It also applies to your business dealings and partnerships, and / or even who you work for / with. The interpretations can be impossible, so congratulations on trying to lead a life based on impossible standards.

        Just to add, Paul did not advocate this as a new rule or commandment. He highlighted it as an issue that could be avoided. If it was such an unbreakable rule, Esther would have rather died than marry Xerxes I.

        So why do have people strongly advocating such “rules”? The answer is that all organisations and governments seek to control the social behaviour of their people. Churches of today also impose such social control on their ” flock” to ensure people stay loyal and not stray away. When people stop listening to their endless rules and regulations, they cease to be relevant and they face an existential question.

        At the end of the day, you made a decision to end the relationship. God never uttered the words “thou shalt break up.” Paul definitely didn’t set a new superseding commandment either. You simply chose peer affirmation from your church.

      5. Wu says:

        Hi Kenneth,

        Think about the statement you make one moment ” it is not good to tell others that your truth is theirs”. Are you completely sure with 100% certainty that in every instant of human interaction since the beginning of time and space, there is not one instant of any 1 human being ever trying to tell others that their truth must be others’ as well, and not have it worked out perfectly and harmoniously, where love and grace and mercy were underscored the transfer of truth from one party to the other, rather than annexation or war through aggressive force and threats?!?!?! How sure are you? Because I find myself, if you are truly sure, just as sure that the transfer of truths can be made in the most cooperative way without feelings of ill!!!

        I need to know next where your allegiance lies, first and foremost: are you a Christian, and if you are, are you a doctrinal one? This two step interview is needed for me to ascertain why you MIGHT have some or deep misgivings about Christianity. This is some way to start helping you……..

        Reply first with where your allegiance lie, if you need to contend with what I say………………..


        1. Kenneth Lee says:

          ”it is not good to tell others that your truth is theirs”.
          It is, in this context, true. It is not good, for others have a truth different from Cheryl’s, yours and mine. Yet there is no recourse for them, because somehow, according to Cheryl’s interpretation book they’re wrong.

          As for the rest of your questions, it is also true that by narrowing my scope of answers, I’m restricted to conversing with you on your terms.

          That you believe and think you need to “help” me says so much about your attitude towards this topic, and towards me. I’ll leave you to your beliefs of this topic and of me.

      6. Wu says:

        Hi Kenneth,

        I got what you had to say. I suppose you don’t want to get into the core of your supposed misgivings perhaps, about Christianity, since you don’t want to give me answers about whether you are a christian or not, and doctrinal or not. If however you secretly want any appearance of answers to any appearance of doubt/unbelief in your mind, you can always scroll down the comments section, look for my name, and in the name of ‘helping’ you, read through whatever I have wrote, just in case you might be able to settle those doubts/unbeliefs in your mind then!

        This will be a private affair, but I hope you will read through them.

        If there is one more note I can leave you, it would be this: the transfer of truths from any human being to any other human being, or from any organization to any other organization is always happening every moment of time. The transfer of truths has always been the basis of not 50% of human interactions, not even 90%, BUT 100% of all of them, did you know this Kenneth? When you told Cheryl, ‘your truth should not be others’ truth’, this whole statement is already a TRUTH STATEMENT YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE CHERYL BELIEVE!!!!! So that she stops telling others that her truth should be theirs!!!! And I am guilty of doing the same thing you did, but I haven’t done any more wrong than you did!!! I am trying to make you believe my truth: that is is okay and in fact MANDATORY, that every single human interaction must have at some moment involved a transfer of truths, of one party sending the truth, and another imbibing or processing it, so that it may take effect if not immediately, then sometime in the future. That must have been how human progress took place! You need to tell a smoker to absolutely stop smoking and list out all consequences, so that if he doesn’t stop immediately after you have stopped advising him, he would probably do so years down the road, after perhaps a long drawn out struggle with his internal reluctance to stop smoking, and all that due to probably 1 person: you!!!!

        Would the smoker question your advice to stop smoking and accuse you of coming from a moral highground, or trying to ‘help’ him as if sticking your nose in his business? Maybe, but that is only due to his severe delusion(sin) that smoking has been the best thing, rather than the worst, in his life!!!! But you may say that the smoker might think you, the advisor, could be the one in severe delusion, for you didn’t know how best smoking could ever be, and goes on to even say the doctors and all health practitioners are lying/deluded to say that smoking increases your probability of death/cancer by manifold!!!!

        So here’s the premise/assumption Kenneth: you need to know that your knowledge is above others’ in the first place to help others, you needed to know that the smoker is ‘deluded’ or ‘dumb’ or whichever negative character trait you call, in order for you to even want to consider advising or helping him out of his IMPRISONMENT IN SIN: smoking! But such a perspective can be completely free of personal pride and ego, of the feeling that you possess the moral highground when trying to transfer your truth to others. It is possible not to foolishly think of yourself as ‘better’ than somebody when you try to transfer your truths to them, totally possible 100%, Christ could do that perfectly; it is possible to humbly think of yourself as ‘of less value’ than the ‘dumb’ or ‘deluded’ smoker you are trying to help or save, because precisely you could feel the awesome value of such A WONDROUS AND BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING MADE BY GOD WHO HAS BEEN SADLY TRAPPED BY THE CHAINS OF ADDICTION!!!!!!!!!!! You can WANT to see the value in the smoker, infinitely more than you naturally feel the ‘dumbness’ or ‘deludedness’ of the stupid smoker!!!!!!!!!!!! Because lifetime of learning and studying the Word of God, and putting it into practice, through FAITH and LOVE can produce such a behavior such as to transfer truths, WITHOUT FEELINGS OF ILL!!!!!

        So i repeat: it is completely possible, that people try to transfer truths to you not because they think of you with a lower value than them, because a true christian does the exact opposite: they think of you with greater value than them, and this is Christ-like, exactly what Jesus would behave!!!! Similarly therefore, if you see or hear any Christian, and I mean doctrinal Christians only, trying to tell people about God, or trying to preach the gospel, or trying to tell them that if they do not believe they would end in hell, understand Kenneth, that they aren’t coming from a highground you assumed they came from, neither were they treating perhaps your very own religious views(nonchristian) as lower value than them. They weren’t, consequently also, treating your whole human being as lesser value as well. They could always(though because of sin/weakness they might not always) be treating you and your human value with great enough respect such as to want to help you by transferring their truths to you, because THEY KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE AND WHAT THEY KNOW ABOUT GOD/JESUS/SALVATION IS THE ONE TRUE KNOWLEGE OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(This appears to be an assumption, dear Kenneth to you perhaps, but understand that the same smoker above would have felt stupidly, by his own sin which he cannot recognize, that your advice about all the possible ill-effects of smoking were also assumptions/truths/beliefs you held, NOT HIM!!! He had a different set of assumptions/truths/beliefs, but you and I know in this case HE IS 100% WRONG OR DELUDED!!! In the same way, Christians KNOW THAT NONCHRISTIAN VIEWS AND BELIEFS ARE WRONG!!!!!!! AND NONCHRISTIANS, LIKE THE SMOKER HERE, DOESN’T KNOW THEY ARE WRONG BECAUSE THEY JUST HAPPEN TO HOLD, FROM OLDER GENERATIONS AND OTHER WORLDLY VIEWS DIFFERENT ASSUMPTIONS/BELIEFS/TRUTHS!!!!! So the same way you try to help the smoker change his truth/assumption/belief system, is also the same way Christians are trying(albeit IMPERFECTLY), TO CHANGE NONCHRISTIAN TRUTH/ASSUMPTION/BELIEF SYSTEM!!!!!!

        Your only issue might be: you need to first differentiate the doctrinal Christians from the nondoctrinal ones!!!! I mean this: the PROBABLITY that doctrinal christians preach the right things about the gospel and everything enclosed in the bible and only the bible, is way higher than those from undoctrinal churches!!!!!


      7. Wu says:

        Continuation from above:

        Consequently, dear Kenneth, there isn’t any context with which anyone should limit himself/herself within, when deciding if he/she should go ahead with ‘telling other people, or trying to convince them, that his/her truths must be theirs as well’!!!

        There is only 1 criteria, under any circumstances, rain snow or shine, for which you consider trying to make your own personal truths others’ as well. It is this: you speak from the bible, you advice from the bible, you give truths from the bible. BECAUSE THE BIBLE IS ABSOLUTE IN ANY TOPIC/SUBJECT OF YOUR WISH, FROM MORALITY TO ETHICS, SCIENCE TO ASTRONOMY, HISTORY TO ARCHAELOGY, AND MANY MORE SECULAR THEMES………….

        And christians know that: they know, BY FAITH, the bible cannot be wrong about anything under the heavens, which is why they dare declare(read willing to die for) that the TRUTH they know, is infinitely truer, mightier, better than all other nonchristian views from all the rest of the worldly religions and worldly non-religionsI(secular beliefs) combined. And this TRUTH is also perfect!

        1. Kenneth Lee says:

          I’ve read your responses, and it is proof that there’s no way to speak logically about this. The amount of force feeding here, the imposition and assumptions here and the moral absolutism and high horse is why organised religion is not healthy.

      8. Wu says:

        Hi Kenneth,

        I had fully expected your type of reply: about Christianity’s(not mine, and i must emphasize) supposed highground, Christianity’s supposed moral absolutism, issues my atheist and agnostic friends have chillingly discussed with me as well, so, I’m not sure if you are in this group of people! Because you aren’t revealing nothing about your beliefs, and that is hard for me to work with, because I keep being dumb enough to want to think I can ‘help’ you!

        But listen up Kenneth, I don’t want to stop picking your mind so I’ve read only parts of your blog mainly the disclaimers, and i observed it was wonderfully written, the kind only a really good lawyer can write, to protect himself legally against the law from most angles possible, and you probably did a good job of insuring yourself against imaginary lawsuits of all types, and you have my admiration in that respect, and so I am not surprised that you bring those skills and mindsets to the discussion in this comments section here as well and try to insure(or protect) yourself from me picking your system of beliefs/truths/assumptions! If your truly a lawyer, I won’t be surprised, for I sense a penchant for legalistic manoeuvres and perhaps jargons in your interactions with me and the rest of the commentators.

        These terms and conditions for interaction aside, we both have vastly different assumptions therefore beliefs about the nature of life, and consequently, about the source of life: which is God, for my sake of the debate. We both know about individuals making assumptions, and generating beliefs and truths from there, and also know that these assumptions change over time, like you stated in the disclaimer on your blog, and so beliefs and truths change as well. This is good for moral relativism, because change is its biggest fan! Today if a man enters into marriage with another man, or a woman with another, it is getting perfectly fine, a little by little, society begins to ‘accept’ such a rule, so to speak. It didn’t used to be like that in the 18th or 19th century, homosexuality was equally prevalent in the 18th or 19th century BUT WASN’T AS PUBLICIZED OR OUTSPOKEN as today so as to be able to render a severe mindset shift/change in the entire human population. But right now, somewhere in the world, or even most places, men and women are entering into marriage with cats and dogs, and I know about it and you DON’T: because it isn’t as widely publicized or spoken of enough to give enough exposure to an entire planet to shift/change their mindset, the same way it was with homosexuality in the 18th and 19th century! But in 100-200 years time, if Christ hasn’t returned, you do know that animal-man marriages would have been so ubiquitous that stories, news and other media about such a new institution would have again shifted/changed mindsets/assumptions/beliefs/truths of an entire human population! You know this disgraceful and disgusting act can’t be right, but I have assured you it will happen: animal-man marriages must happen based on what I supposed you support:moral relativism! Morals change, and must be allowed to change freely as a human wills or pleases, even if animal-man marriages results at the end of these series of morally progressive changes, as long as the outcome is this:happiness for both man and animal! Are you serious Kenneth?!?

        I HAVE HELPED YOU, DEAR KENNETH, TO COME TO A CONCLUSION USING YOUR OWN ASSUMPTIONS/BELIEFS/TRUTHS. A conclusion so morally reprehensible to fathom as if to be completely and literally out of this world!!! What, Kenneth, is happening?!!!!

        You are one intelligent man(if lawyer), that is for sure, and you’ll probably find me another way to disparage me again, and you know i’ll be helpless, but I just need you ponder about your beliefs/assumptions about life, because I don’t think you even know what your beliefs/assumptions lead to, or what kinda conclusions they will arrive at, because I have extrapolated your beliefs/assumptions and showed you what outlandish conclusions they arrive at for the present day world! I suspect though, you don’t really hold the belief of moral relativism; I suspect something might be worst: that you are disparaging moral absolutism simply as a means to get in the way of people believing in Christ/God/heaven/hell/salvation, because you have some really huge misgivings about Christianity? Perhaps some bad personal experience or exchange? You are a blogger, you write stuff freely about what surrounds you and what you think, surely you can’t be firing ammunition at something you have no threat from unless it has threatened you before? Because with your intelligence, I won’t and cannot believe you didn’t how to extrapolate the consequences of moral relativism and be aghast at its outcome, or are you seriously fine with animal-man marriages?

        Surely all this is enough to get you to come out of your shell and start engaging all of us with some meaty content, rather than simply 1 or 2 line legalistic-like statements that seem to buy you some credibility?

        Your a blogger!

        1. Kenneth Lee says:

          Hello Wu,
          With regard to moral absolutism, high horses and lack of logic: Your response speaks for itself to everyone reading this thread.

          You assume many many things about me, then tell me that you assume because I didn’t mention anything about myself. So therefore, it is alright for you to assume things about me.

          You say you’ve read my blog, but only a small part of it. Then guess that I am a lawyer. I am not. I have that disclaimer because all bloggers need that disclaimer to protect from very real lawsuits, not imaginary ones. However, I am trained in thought processes, and apply that to my life on a regular basis.

          You mentioned: “But right now, somewhere in the world, or even most places, men and women are entering into marriage with cats and dogs, and I know about it and you DON’T: because it isn’t as widely publicized or spoken of enough to give enough exposure to an entire planet to shift/change their mindset, the same way it was with homosexuality in the 18th and 19th century!”

          I actually do know that people are marrying their animals. What is worse: you say that I agree with Marriage between man and animals. I have given no such indication.
          But here is the difference: I do not agree with it, but I do not have a need to go out and tell other people they’re doing something wrong, and therefore cannot get married to another person/animal/object.

          I don’t know how you ended up discussing with me about marriage, but my views on marriage are ultimately my own, just as yours are your own. Again, your truths do not belong to me.

          Next, it is clear that this has become personal, and you have decided to label me as a blogger who wants credibility.
          Unfortunately, for you: I am simply a human who has opinions, thoughts and ideas. I do not seek credibility for those who know me already recognise who I am and what I stand for.

          Finally, you believe I disparage Moral Absolutism. That I do it “simply as a means to get in the way of people believing in Christ/God/heaven/hell/salvation, because you have some really huge misgivings about Christianity?”
          I don’t have misgivings about Christianity, I do have issues with organised religion. Whether it is Islam, Buddhism, Christianity, Sikhism, Taoism (loosely) etc etc etc when they’re organised. I know for a fact that an entrenched manner of thought is encouraged within all organised religion, and this reduces acceptance of others that are unlike ourselves. Therefore, while I do read Scripture (and the Quran, and try to understand the mythology of Taoism, and look into the philosophy of Zen, and discuss the though processes of Buddhism), I am not absolutionist in imposing specific beliefs on other people.

          Therefore: You need to understand that while I may disagree with you, I do not expect you to come to terms with what I think. I do hope, however, that you understand that others have views too, and that those views are valid, and not morally reprehensible or incorrect.

          That is all.

      9. Wu says:

        Hi Kenneth,

        Do not be worried, dear kenneth, this is absolutely nothing personal!

        I just got what you say here, and it’s fantastic you finally said something. Can I ask your permission then? Can I safely assume, for no other means than simply not to assume, that you are free thinker who believes in every religion then? That’s how we will progress from here.

        As usual, let’s tackle one statement at a time, using logic like you claim I don’t have and you do.

        1)You mentioned you don’t agree with animal-man marriages.
        2)You mentioned you don’t find the need to go out and tell people animal-man marriages are wrong

        Clause one and clause two cannot be mutually exclusive, and ill wait to see if you can show me that logic. But here is what I have to offer:

        Let’s go straight to the most critical case, that of your own future son or daughter believing that animal-man marriages are fine and beautiful. How are you going to reconcile the fact that you don’t agree with such marriages, and the fact that you don’t find the need to go out and tell people these marriages are wrong, when you own son/daughter is one of those people involved in such a marriage?

        This is the problem with moral relativism: not only is there a change of morals for the worst, from man to woman, to man to man, to man to animals, and finally man to your wooden cupboard! The other problem with moral relativism is this: possibility of inconsistencies in thought and action. What kind of logic is that when you believe in something but don’t find you need to be an outspoken proponent, or at least softspoken one to your closet friends or kin? I’m not talking about strangers even, though I’m speaking to you as one, but maybe because I don’t find you a stranger that i dare to feel there is a need to tell you that you are wrong! There must be unity of thought and action, only seen in moral absolutism, my dear kenneth. Can there be further argument on this?

        A similar example:

        1)You think or believe yourself as masculine, or man.
        2)You don’t find no need to show the world you are masculine or man, like man of your words in one such example

        These 2 clauses are inconsistent my dear kenneth, and by the same token, that is why I am trying to help you see that moral relativism is completely dubious and problematic, even if we took christian philosophy out of the equation! You can have half moral relativism and half moral absolutism either. Anything less than TRYING to be a 100% absolute moralist is a relative one!!!!

        I want you to get over the idea that it is impossible to make a stranger’s truths and beliefs another stranger’s, even the former has a very very very good and thorough(read absolutely beautiful) truth/belief system you can find no fault with, and you only find a fault insofar as that person is not expression this perfect truth/belief system perfectly!

        I hope to hear you again

        1. Kenneth Lee says:

          Hi Wu,

          A does not lead to B:
          A: You think or believe yourself as masculine.
          B: You need to show the world you are masculine.

          Why? because there is no logical causal link between A and B. The link between A and B is subjective. That is to say:

          A: You think or believe yourself as masculine.
          Reason: It is a social requirement that I show everyone how manly I can be.
          Therefore, B: You need to show the world you are masculine.

          However, that “need to be” is subjective, and not a requirement for a man to be defined as a man. That is to say, I am a man but I have no need to prove to society that I am a man, or to show it explicitly on purpose. I simply exist as a man, and if people ask me, I tell them. If people don’t ask, I do not need to show or tell others.

          Now, here’s the thing: You mentioned that the following cannot be mutually exclusive:
          1)You mentioned you don’t agree with animal-man marriages.
          2)You mentioned you don’t find the need to go out and tell people animal-man marriages are wrong

          You will need to then prove they cannot be mutually exclusive. This is because I have mentioned before: I personally see no need to intrude into other people’s lives, and I won’t because it is not within my boundaries to do so. It does not violate my state law or violate me as a person. They are, simply there. I won’t marry another man or animal, but I don’t stop them because I don’t have any right to intrude upon their lives.

      10. Wu says:

        OK I got the logic loud and clear!

        Let’s proceed one more step. Supposing Kenneth we are having this conversation 500 years from now, and the world by then is predominantly a homosexual or animalsexual(man-animal) world, by a majority of 90%, and you and your family are one of the few exceptions, being completely heterosexual. State law by then forbids any form of heterosexual marriages, owing obviously to a severe decline in morals since now, 2015. State law even prosecute with the intent to incarcerate people who are sworn heterosexuals!

        But you and your family all remain firm with the belief that heterosexual must be the way forward, but feel obviously threatened and fearful of state laws trying put all of you in jail, for reasons all of you cannot fathom. A police officer comes to your door one day after finding out you and your family are outlaws of the state in terms of your sexual orientations, and deemed dangerous!

        My question would be: are you ready to fight for your beliefs now that you feel socially, emotionally and sexually violated? Would you now feel the need to speak out about your heterosexual beliefs and tell others that they are wrong in their own?

        I await your answer.

      11. Wu says:

        One more here kenneth,

        Let’s perhaps bring in sincerity of beliefs to help us make sense of things one step further, because as you can see, logical deduction alone produces problematic outcomes like lack of sincerity and intention! Where would there be sincerity in your beliefs, if you believe in something, and not want to go out there and show in action and words the consequences of your beliefs.

        Where would there be sincerity in your beliefs, if you find you do not believe in man-man or man-animal marriages, but don’t go out there into open space and give some very signs by way of perhaps dress code, mannerisms, other types of conduct and words, and most importantly joining an organization against such marriages?

        You do know it is essential to live by example right? You are able to have heterosexual orientations because men before you, courageous and strong and virtuous, likely true christian warriors as well, fought for heterosexuality and denounced homosexuality and animal-man mariages, so that you can be given the chance to stand right here and make a very problematic, though logical(secular logic) statement that you don’t find a need to spread your beliefs/truths even if you are extremely sincere about those beliefs/truths. If that is the case, and you say it is possible to be extremely sincere without outwardly shown works, could it be a very severe deception you are experiencing? I hope you aren’t going to say that this is true for you and you only, again. You must face the fact: logic used in its singularity will always be found wanting. Logic used without PAYING HOMAGE to the Truth contain in scripture, is treason of the highest order in God’s kingdom; it is deceit of the highest level because of the totality of human pride and ego thrown into the logic theme.

        Think about this also.

    2. nicknamehere says:

      Dear Jonathan Khong, the very idea of marrying someone not for what they are but for what they might be is disturbing at the very least. I will accept my spouse for whatever they are and for whatever they want to be which includes their shortcomings. The very fact that you’re trying to change your spouse is a sure sign of a failed marriage. So ask yourself this, “Am I willing to change myself and my lifestyle (drastically) for someone else?”. Then there’s the problem of them not accepting you for whoever you are and what not, so yeah, contradiction.

    3. alanagj says:

      We are saved when we accepted Christ. Period.

    4. Joash says:

      So you date the person, let’s say for 5 years trying to convert her and she refuses to accept Christ. So you say “I can’t marry you” at the end of the day. What do you think will happen? You’ve probably pushed her away from Christianity as far as she could possibly be.

    5. Wu says:

      Hi Jonathan,

      Absolutely: you cannot be dating whilst converting the person, or worst: dating and the finally gotten married and then only in marriage start trying to convert the person!!! Categorical NO!!! You need to understand why this strictness to the point of *SEEMING* chauvinism or intolerance, but none of any real chauvinism and intolerance shown on my part by this very severe statement I have made!!!

      I have made almost 10 posts throughout the comments section to various other nonchristian and christian participants in the comments, and I think you can find hopefully all the answers to my SEEMING chauvinism/intolerance!!!


    6. Jakin says:

      It is easier to pull someone off a table than pull someone up onto the table, so likewise christians can end up losing their faith if they become yoked with an unbeliever

      1. nicknamehere says:

        And you’re so sure your faith is the right one? Deuteronomy 14:8 “The pig is also unclean; although it has a divided hoof, it does not chew the cud. You are not to eat their meat or touch their carcasses.” Yet I see christians eat pork all the time. Why don’t you try Buddhism? or Hinduism? Judaism? Taoism? Islam? or a religion that declares itself as the one true faith, i.e. EVERY ONE OF THEM.

  54. Kenneth Lee says:

    I disagree with this idea that equally yoked means non-christians and christians cannot be together or married.
    The social expectations enforce this rule, making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. When things go wrong, it’s easy to say “I told you so”.

    Having congruent, but non-similar world views, based on personality traits, mutual joys, fact and reason are a stronger and more salient basis.

    1. cherylenyi says:

      To me Christianity involves an entire life change, something that will not be coherent with dating and marrying a non-Christian spouse, based on the reasons stated above.

      1. Kenneth Lee says:

        Your reasons when it comes to love are exactly that: Just yours.

        Therefore, to tell others that they are therefore not right do date non-christians (or christians), is incorrect. That is for them to decide, just as your life choices are yours.

        It’s interesting that when it comes to other people’s lives, you have already made a “good/bad” decision. Also: keep in mind your interpretation of the Bible is non-standard. No one’s perception of the bible is standard. It’s come a long way, and people keep perceiving the same book differently.

        Same principle though: keep your nose out of other’s business.

    2. Shaun says:

      If you are non-Christian, allow me to explain that for Christians, the bible (when the ancient context is correctly interpreted and applied to today’s contemporary context) holds the final say on: how we live life, make decisions, consider what is permissible etc, not societal expectation/norms.

      Kenneth, if you are a Christian, may i ask how should 2 Corinthians 6:14 be interpreted? Who did Paul instruct the Corinthian church not to be bound or partnered with?

    3. P41 says:

      “Same principle though: keep your nose out of other’s business.”

      Yet here you are.

      1. Kenneth Lee says:

        Not when it’s a widely shared public post.

  55. Matt C says:

    This is really insightful! You are so faithful to the word and to the Lord! Inspiring stuff Cheryl!

  56. Nicholas says:

    In my perspective, I think the whole reasoning is bull. I respect your decision and may God bless you with someone who is able to grow with you.

  57. Jamie Carter says:

    You do realize that it’s entirely possible to be in a relationship with another Christian and still believe totally opposite things, right? In which case, they’d still be unequally yoked brothers and sisters in the faith.
    1 Corinthians 7 is where Paul tells believers that he would rather that they remain single if they can manage it so that they can be completely devoted to God, whereas married couples were divided; I don’t think it’s safe to say that spouses tend to become more important than God, if that were the case then all Complementarians would be idolators.
    Anyways, I don’t believe there’s such a thing as a one size fits all plan; we’re all different, our relationships to God are all different, and our relationship to our significant others are all different. For some Complementarianism enhances their relationship, for others it destroys it. They need another design by which they can honor God together and for many it’s Egalitarianism.

    1. Confused says:

      I totally agree. I know a Christian couple who got married and eventually the guy cheated on her and the marriage was ruined. A good Christian doesn’t mean a good Husband or lover. i don’t think our sole criteria in looking for a spouse is to “be Christian”. Differs for everyone

      1. Shane says:

        Would a good Christian guy cheat on his wife? Perhaps the premise here is wrong, because God is Love, and He is the perfect husband to His bride the church. In reflecting this relationship, a Christian man, in the context of marriage, ought to be a good husband and lover.

        That said, all men (& women) are fallible, thus cheating within the context of Christian marriage is not impossible if one or both partners are tempted by and succumb to sin. This however, exacerbates the need and strengthens the argument for Christians to settle into relationships only with mature Christians.

    2. Wu says:

      Hi Jamie,

      I have to be categorical here to the point of seeming chauvinism/intolerance but no real chauvinism and intolerance on my part, just pure concern and love, because you know I have no need to use this time replying(read helping) you: THERE IS NO WAY IN HEAVEN OR EARTH FOR YOU TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER CHRISTIAN, IF YOU ARE ALREADY ONE, AND END UP BOTH OF YOU BELIEVING IN ENTIRELY OPPOSITE THINGS!!!

      Absolutely impossible, Jamie. A good strong explanation can be found to explain away this misconception of yours, in one of the ten posts throughout the comments section. You will need to scroll on down and look for my name and its contents, so that i do not need to rewrite what I wrote here!

      To get you started before reading those of my posts: since there is good and evil in this world, and this is central to the workings of Christianity, there must also be 100 percent right answers and 100 percent wrong ones, with the caveat that any answer/statement that exhibits anything right quality that is less than a 100 percent must be treated as a WRONG ANSWER!!!! And so forgive me for saying that what you said can only be absolutely wrong.


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